Dirk Nannes

December 22, 2021

Mo talks

“Victoria’s Dirk Nannes is an animal, he’s ugly, you wouldn’t want to face him.”

Greg Matthews

I was always of the impression that Greg Matthews was a wanker.

But clearly i missed his true essence.

I now feel sorry for all the times i called him a wanker at the G, and all the times he called me one.

Thanks to Ceci for this.

Dirty Dirk doesn’t need a pitch

People wonder why i like Dirty Dirk Nannes.

Today he showed the world.

While Victoria were choking Western Australia, he was taking a break after producing possibly the best bowling figures of all time.

0.1 overs

2 runs

1 wicket

The man is a freakin genius.

Do you know hard that is to do.

It takes a special man, and Dirty Dirk is that man.

He started with a full toss to Kings XI Punjabian Shaun Marsh.

That got him a wicket, Dirk doesn’t believe in traditional wickets you see.

And with SOS Marsh out of the way, he obviously thought his job was done, but before he went he gave Luke Pomersbach a couple of beamers too soften him up a bit.

After all, Dirk is nothing if not a team player, but these beamers, both no balls, apparently broke some sort of Peter Roebuck rule, and Dirk was hoisted from the attack.

Job done.

Hit the showers, book some snow trips, clean your sax and watch Gozu.

What a superstar.

He even let Eyelashes Pattinson, brother of Eyelids Pattinson, have all the glory on debut.

A man of the people as well.

Bushrangers take on pink men

The Champions league thingy is just around the corner.

Near the tube I guess.

And I was feeling a little under whelmed about it.

But now I am fully whelmed.

Victoria has drawn Middlesex in the opening rounds.

The Champions league thingy is just around the corner.

Near the tube I guess.

And I was feeling a little under whelmed about it.

But now I am fully whelmed.

Victoria has drawn Middlesex in the opening rounds.

That’s right kiddies, Dirty Dirk up against the men in pink.

Ben Scott facing the thunderbolts.

Tim Murtagh dodging the verbal bullets.

And Shaun Udal looking old.

This should be great.

Dirty Dirk must be dribbling blood in anticipation.

Victoria also play Pretoria, and Chennai.

But Dirty Dirk never played for them.

This is like the Stanford series, except with players and teams that people really like.

I am not sure if Victoria or Victoria A (Rajasthan) is ranked best domestic 2020 side in the world, but i think they are one, two.

Middlesex is way below that, and wouldn’t have won the 2020 championship if not fir Dirty Dirk.

And everyone knows this.

I heard a whisper one that Dirk wheres around a t shirt that says “I saved the pink me”.

But i have never seen any evidence of this.

Dirty Dirk destorys the New Texas bulls

Need more proof of the raw brutality fo the Dirty Dirkster.

Go here.

Unless you are a Queenslander, you may want to skip it.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside

Dirty Dirk’s understudy

The Stanford grab for cash is almost upon us.

And Middlesex have lost their 2020 superstar Dirty Dirk Nannes.

You can’t replace him, but you can sign Killer Kolpak extraordinaire Neil Carter.

He can open up with bat or ball, and for 2020 he is like a wet dream.

But he is not Dirty Dirk, you can’t blame him, few people are.

Neil Carter might have a good game, but he doesn’t have the intangibles that only the Dirty Dirkster has.

Here is a list of the 5ish things that Neil should look into.

5. Grow a beard.

4. Fall down after the odd fiery delivery .

3. Learn Japanese or the saxophone so he can teach his team mates to swear or play a Charlie bird parker tune when they are down.

2. Drop catches with such force that the full ends up 30 yards away from him.

1. Win Middlesex the most important game of their life with a breathtaking bit of fielding that no one can believe you did.

0. Be a wild beast man.

The biggest question is how can a South African properly replace a Victorian.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside

English award season, CWB style

I was only here for 2 months of the English season, but I think I got the gist of it.

So I will give out the special English domestic cricket with balls awards.

Today we have the Johnny Cash and Steve Jobs Awards.

Johnny Cash Award

Tough one in this season, Eyelids Pattinson came from no where and took wickets in every orifice.

Imran Tahir is a journeyman, but he took Hampshire on a ride from relegation to Championship contender.

He may not have been good enough to play for Western Australia for most of his career, but Murray Goodwin was all over the domestic competitions this year. Ask Notts.

Fuck them all though, Steve Harmison gave Durham a weapon of mass destruction and they used it t win the championship, so he gets the award.

The Steve Jobs award

Dirty Dirk Nannes diving to give Middlesex millions in the Caribbean and India.

The best fielding from a bad (read shithouse) fielder ever.

It was not the dive of a Kolpak cashing in, it was the dive of a man who wants to win at every he plays at.

I also like the idea that the worst fielder in the side saved the side after a wayward throw from a much better fielder almost lost it in one throw.

Tomorrow is the andy warhol and briteny spears awards.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside

Holy Fuckamoly

While I was Shoaib watching, a real man, the real man, took 6 wickets for 32.

The real man, as if you didn’t know, is Dirty Dirk Nannes.

6 wickets for 32, did you hear the moon scream.

Wild, colonial, animalistic, aggressive, and pure awesomeness.

When Dirty Dirk gets wickets, mountains fall.

Pygmies cry.

And the world seems right, whole and perverted like it should do.

For some reason, Shaun Udal, Middlesex’s 14th captain this year, brought Dirk on 3d change.

Worcs were bowled out for 122.

Had he opened the bowling, like he always should, he would have bowled them out for 32.

And taken ten wickets.

That is the sort of mood he was in.

I wasn’t there, but I am sure at a lunch break he ate a cow, rare.

You haven’t seen anything like Dirty Dirk in full flight, and since no one was in Warwickshire today, no one else has either.

What I wouldn’t have given to watch the big ex bearded one steam in and take 6 wickets as men cowered in change rooms and women disrobed in unison.

Instead I saw Shoaib stretch.

A lot.