Nathan Hauritz is a seagull

Like me you have always suspected it, but here is the proof. This was him after getting a wicket. This was him celebrating the wicket. He was so excited he didn’t even bring the bail back. Pictures © Sarah Ansell.

Nathan Hauritz’s Revenge

It had to come eventually. For so long I have poured all kinds of shit on this little club offie. He still survived. He even took test wickets. He cemented his place in the One Day side. He even didn’t always look like a nervous wreck one six away from suicide. Now his hate for me has made me so strong that he has taken down the one team i truly love, VIctoria. That lickle fucker. Two wickets in one over, and Victoria were dead. He even took...

World Cup 2011

Kamran Akmal is winning You may not believe this, but between innings I managed to fly to Sri Lanka, convince that security at the ground that I only speak English, walk out on the ground, get several key reporters to give me a press pass and interview Kamran Akmal as he came off. Kamran, it’s Jrod from cricket with balls, can we have a quick chat? We need him and we need his wisdom and his bitchin’-ness. Cool, how do you feel about missing...

How Pakistan can win the world cup: Ride the Afridi love wand

How Pakistan will win There is no doubt that Pakistan has holes in their line up, and that at any stage the whole team could self combust into flames, even if Ross Taylor isn’t involved. Looking at Pakistan in any sort of structured way is like trying to prove ghosts exist by looking at three episodes of most haunted. Pakistan can win because Shahid Afridi is currently walking around oozing cocaine and champagne out of every orifice when he...

The Oldest Dismissal

I went to Lord’s yesterday. Ostensibly, it was for a business trip, but as a part of it, it was necessary to visit the Media Centre. As I sat there, marvelling at how, without Jrod, the place seemed bigger, quieter and less full of expletives, some cricket went on far below us. Middlesex were playing Leicestershire and Matthew Hoggard (remember him?) was having a field day. The last of his six wickets saw Shaun Udal tamely spoon a ball to...

Sachin Tendulkar article to generate sales

You already know that Sachin is on the front of the cricket sadists’ quarterly. Now I am trying to garner more sales by sucking in more Sachin fans with this taste of what appeared in the last issue. This is long, and about Sachin, so take it or leave it. Sachin playing in your lounge In November of 2003 I was a shift worker who spent a fair chunk of the summer watching shield games at the MCG (G). When I found out the Indians would be playing...

Jonathan Trott murders the English language

In the melee surrounding Kevin O’Brien’s astonishing innings – and Ireland’s consequent win – yesterday, another remarkable feat went rather un-noticed. Jonathan Trott became the third man to reach 1000 ODI runs in only 21 games. That is the world record, in case you didn’t know. A record which he now shares with Sir Viv Richards and Kevin ‘KP’ Pietersen. I do not have a problem with Trott holding this record. As one who...

The warm gentle stream of the captain’s press conferences

Ricky Ponting on the Glove and Moob controversy: “I don’t think it was required, he changed it the over before, I don’t think they’d be too sweaty in one over. I’m not sure what the physio was doing out there, I didn’t see anyone call for the physio to come out. As far as I’m concerned, it was pretty ordinary really. But they can play whatever way they want to play. We came to play by the rules and the spirit of the game, it’s up...

Previously at somewhere in antigua

England Found a pitch with a huge ridge in it perfect for their tall fast bowlers, and got most of their wickets from their spinner. West Indies A bunch of fucktards. How many wickets can from the pitch, none, how many wickets came from top class bowling, 3, maybe? How many wickets came from badly thought out attacking shots, or limp wristed defence, fucken hell. Can England lose If Chris Gayle really gets… Ofcourse not. It might rain, but,...

CRICKET WITH BALLS IDOL, THE MUSIC VIDEOS

Round two of cricket with balls idol is based on music vidoes. Exhibit A, Brett Lee’s Indian hit, bonus marks because he sings in a language he doesn’t know, or can sing properly. Exhibit B, Mehrab Hossain Jnr singing a Ronan Keating song, extra marks for the arty hand held camera work. Exhibit C, famous cricket blogger Jrod, singing as his alter ego, WC Will, sorry, but i thought people in fire ravaged areas could do with a laugh. Who do...