THE BCCI ICL AMNESTY CEREMONY

In order for any ex ICL player to be let back into proper cricket they have to go through a few ceremonial activities. They shall be flogged by ex test players who are currently finding it tough to make ends meet. Players must bathe themselves in the urine of the pure, the under 23 IPL players. All hairs must be plucked from their bodies, one by one, in a process that should take 5 days. They shall have cheese graters taken over their testicles...

Previously at the G

Australia Were 10 Peter Siddle’s short of a cricket team. England Batted like the word declaration had never been invented. Hopefully that word has been by tomorrow. Are the ashes won? Sure, why not. Play of the day Anything Ricky Ponting did. Everything Ricky Ponting did. He was just on fire, bowling Clarke and his dodgy back while Smith and Watson watched on, his chats with umpires and batsmen, his slow cool walk in for a run out that...

Spot fixing in print

The last edition of the cricket sadist’s quarterly had a piece on spot fixing written by me. It’s now tragically out of date, but I think it’s worth a read. About a year ago a cricketer contacted me to talk about fixing in cricket. He was positive it was happening again, at ICL, IPL and International level. He even specified games that he and others thought it had happened in. I checked into these games and came up with other reasons why...

Extracts from Herschelle Gibbs’ autobiography

At the moment, I have no access to Herschelle Gibbs’ book. But I assume it goes something like this. On women: “I’ve always respected women. When I’m in an orgy, I am constantly asking a woman if she is feeling ok, whether there is anything I can do to make her feel more comfortable. I’ve gone as far as paying for their taxi on the way home. You see, it doesn’t take much to treat a woman right after she’s let you cum in her ass and...

Ijaz Butt – Unplugged

It is easy to be negative. And fun. But we should also continue to look for the positives in the latest accusations in world cricket. That positive is Ijaz Butt. Not happy with ruining everything in Pakistani cricket he has ever touched, he is now taking the most grown up stance in world cricket by saying, “we aren’t cheaters, you are cheaters, you’ve always hated us, your mum is fat”. This kind of complete crazy bullshit nonsense could...

JROD DOES THE ASHES

Being that not enough of you have bought my book, I am forced to make my way into the real world of cricket writing. Shame on you all. For the ashes I wll be in the following places: Helping Patrick Kidd and the Times audience understand Nathan Hauritz. At TWC talking about the main match ups, the chin vs the chest. At crikey I will be here, and here. I might turn up here from time to time as well. There is probably another one I have forgotten....

Cricket’s big balls

I have received links to this story from about 30 people. I get less when Sehwagology appears somewhere. So if you all want it, here it is. I am a cricket, and these are my giant balls. Can I just say that the main objection to my site’s logo is that I’ve made the balls too big, clearly that is not the case.

CWB Books

Ashes 2009: when freddie became jesus Gideon did one, Athers did one, and even the ECB did one. But the Ashes couldn’t possibly be dealt with correctly until I stepped in. So I have. Cricket with balls is happy to present, ashes 2009: when freddie became jesus. when freddie became jesus Available now on Amazon. On the back of the book it says: Became Jesus “He’s such a pleasure to watch that if I were a mad billionaire who hosted parties...

Everybody Talkin’ Bout Gilly

Not yet. But they will. You can already hear the foxsports reporters sharpening their pencils and and getting ready to talk about the magical Adam Gilchrist and his innings of mass destruction in the IPL. There will be no talk of his dropped catch or missed byes. They are no downers when we reflect on the glory days. If Australia lose one game in the world twenty20 thingy there will be talk of how we should ask Gilly probably Hayden back into...

Pakistan Cricket Team

Shoaib Ahktar has Genital Warts says PCB official: TRUE STORY. When it was reported that Shoaib Ahktar had a skin condition on his groin; I thought about writing a whole post about him having some STD. I was going to write about oozing puss, scabby skin, and really freak you out. But then I thought, no, that is TOO easy. Way TOO easy. Instead I wrote about Shoaib wearing Geoff Lawson’s skin as a coat. Now the Pakistani’s are dropping Shoaib...