Is Troy Cooley M. Yass?

Troy Cooley has been named as the interim head coach of Australia while Greg Chappell gets his resume in order.

It’s hard to warm to this news, it’s like finding out that a band who’s first album was kinda ok is making a come back by playing their greatest hits in your kitchen.

In my self acclaimed new book ‘Australian Autopsy‘ I posed the question of whether Mitchell Johnson actually exists, or whether he is just a construct of Troy Cooley.

It made sense at the time. Now I realise that I might have got this all wrong.

It’s more possible that Troy Cooley is the myth.

A administracratic fudge that has never been correctly audited.

This is where we need Alex Gibney and a documentary crew, because, what does anyone know about him?

They say he played first class cricket for Tasmania, but no one watches first class cricket in Tasmania, only %30 of shidl fans know they are one of the six sides.

I mean if you are going to invent a first class cricketer, Derbyshire, Otago, Leeward Islands and Tasmania are surely safest options.

Even his numbers for Tasmania don’t add up. 33 first class matches with a bowling average of 61 and a batting average of 9. Surely no one would continue to pick someone with those figures. What is more likely, the selectors kept picking him, or when putting in a fake record some administracrat put in wrong numbers?

Then his List A are 4 matches with a bowling average of 21. Come 0n, this isn’t even pretending to be real.

They say he coached the England bowlers in the 2005 Ashes. There are photos of a man with the team, but if no one ever saw Troy Cooley before that, how would they know if it was Troy Cooley. There was occasionally a picture of a tall man taken during that time.

That series led to him be lauded as the best bowling coach on earth. But the ECB didn’t offer him an extension of his contract, or any contract from what I can tell, and he just left.

I mean if this really was the bowling supercoach, why would he just be allowed to leave o easily? It doesn’t add up.

Then “Cooley” turns up in Australia. The man in the photo pays a passing resemblance to the other Cooley, but if I took 12 random men off the street and put Cooley in the middle of them, would anyone know which one was Cooley?

No.

So photos and first class record don’t prove that Cooley is a real being.

What else can? Surely not Mitchell Johnson’s record or Kabbir Ali’s career.

There is no way to prove that Cooley is real or not.

But then, how did Cooley come into the cricket world you lazily whine.

Easy. You can imagine some Tasmanian official thinking, “We need to make cut backs. We don’t really need a bowling coach, do we? I can’t leave the box blank, because then people will question it. Troy Cooley, that sounds real.”

Suddenly Troy Cooley is real. And everyone time a cricket photographer has a unidentified tall man in their frame, they either cut him out or say it’s Troy Cooley.

If it is possible that Troy Cooley was an average bowler turned handy bowling coach, coached one amazing attack, confused some bowlers, struggled with a mediocre attack and then became a head national coach on a temporary basis, isn’t it also possible that Troy Cooley is not a real man but just a name that people keep writing in empty boxes.

 

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