I’m more relaxed than you

December 21, 2021

The Poms were standing around laughing.

The Aussies kept smiling at each other.

It was an interesting understated vaudeville performance. Two well matched relaxed yet professional outfits trying to ensure that they were the ones who were the more ready looking for tomorrow.

The Australian and English relaxing coaches were in overdrive. The players had been practicing yoga, listening to Polyphonic spree, smoking weed, and watching DVDs of whales swimming. All for this one moment.

The day before the cricket starts.

Because you don’t want to look to tense, or eager. You need to keep your cool on. Make sure that every knows you are ready for the next day’s play. Everyone who is paid to come to and watch people standing around is waiting for a millisecond of weakness, so you must remain less than human.

That is why Haddin was reading a copy of ‘Men are from Mars and Keepers are from Uranus’ instead of practicing.

Finn refused to even come out on the ground as he was kicking ass on the classical edition of Guitar Hero.

Aleem Dar went to the Gold Coast, just so he would look casual as well. He was last seen in budgie smugglers at Coolangatta twirling a little umbrella in his mouth.

That is how today was. Sort of odd, cold and boring.

Weeks ago I said to a friend, fuck I want the ashes to start, just so I don’t have to listen to people talking about the ashes starting.

This post is something like that.

I don’t care who is relaxed, who takes a picture with who, what boring sentiments people state in press conferences, just play the cricket.

One day when I run the universe I shall ban talk of all test series before they commence.

I shall also make all Natalie Portman films (even where the heart is) compulsory and give everyone free Woodford Reserve Bourbon.

Oh, and free dim sims.

Let the real bullshit begin.