Australia name entire country in Ashes squad

December 21, 2021

In order to ensure that no metaphorical stone is left unturned, the NSP have selected every Australian there is in a an expanded test squad.

Greg Chappell said, “It’s a holistic cricket squad, we could have limited ourselves to just the 13 or so players that are most likely to play for Australia, but what about Mavis Brown from Epping, the poms know nothing about her. She is a complete surprise to them, how will her plastic hip help her get turn, no one knows. Also, it is important to not give the poms what they are expecting. This squad might look like we have just put the entire voting registry on it, but it is way more than that. Way more”.

Simon Spehr of Camperdown was over the moon to be selected, “I’ll be honest, I’ve been waiting for this call all my life. It wasn’t a call, obviously, they couldn’t call everyone, but to know that my name was in the squad was more than enough. Mo mother was so excited for me, but then even more excited for herself.”

Former legend Dean Jones was also ecstatic about the squad, “I knew the selectors hadn’t forgotten about me. Commentating may not seem like the ideal preparation for playing in a test. However, since my time out of the game I think I’ve learnt a few things, especially from Hashim Amla.”

While almost every Australian selected in the squad was happy, there has been some negative feedback. The English press believe this is a desperate move from a insane cricket selection panel who have completely lost the plot. Russell Crowe and Sam Neill were both visibly upset and not getting selected. And Germaine Greer complained bitterly about Steve Irwin’s inclusion.

The squad is expected to be trimmed down to 10,000 by the 20th of November.