What really happened to Zulqarnain Haider

December 21, 2021

It seems that some time between the fourth and fifth one dayer Zulqarnain Haider just up and vanished.

As one of Zulqarnain Haider’s closest facebook friends, he has kept me in the loop the whole time, and only now that he is safe I can reveal the details.

In the fourth one dayer Zully Q-dawg (as he likes to be called) hit the winning runs. He did this with style and class as his way. Unfortunately this angered a very powerful man.

Kamran Akmal.

While Zully Q-dawg was bathing in champagne, Kamran was planning his demise. We all see Kamran as a bit of a bumbling buffoon, and with the gloves on he is. Off the field is a whole different story, Kamran is super smooth, and often resembles a European gigolo in an American film.

Kamran put the squeeze of Zully Q-dawg, getting his cronies to tell him, “there is only room for one Pakistani keeper in neutral venues, so if you want to keep your fingers, we suggest a sudden holiday, you dig”.

Zully Q-dawg digged, and he boarded a jet plane.

When he arrived he called the one man he knew that could hide without being found, Lalit K Modi. Modi and Zully Q-dawg go back a long way. They used to play bridge together in Belgium in the late 90s.

Lalit told Zully Q-dawg that he could help him out, as long as Zully Q-dawg was willing to digitise himself. As a keen micro-blogging social-networker, Zully Q-dawg had no idea what Lalit was talking about, but it sounded cool.

From there Lalit hooked him up with a room of computer geeks, and disappeared into the afternoon.

These computer guys then digital transfer him to a digital world, you know, like Tron.

There Zully Q-dawg runs free while throwing frisbees and playing games. He tells me via email that he has never been happier.

He will come back, one day, when we all deserve him.