It is easy to be negative. And fun.
But we should also continue to look for the positives in the latest accusations in world cricket.
That positive is Ijaz Butt.
Not happy with ruining everything in Pakistani cricket he has ever touched, he is now taking the most grown up stance in world cricket by saying, “we aren’t cheaters, you are cheaters, you’ve always hated us, your mum is fat”.
This kind of complete crazy bullshit nonsense could be used to make money.
And the PCB needs money.
So I’ve come up with a few ways that they can cash in on this amazing man.
Are you crazier than Ijaz Butt?
A game show where people are questioned on a number of high profile incidents or events, Princess Di and Tupac deaths, World Trade Centre, global warming, Aids and Justin Bieber. The person adjudged craziest from each week will be compared to Ijaz Butt’s answers on the same issues. To win a pile of cash you have to be voted crazier than Butt. The show is fixed though, as no one can be crazier than him.
Ijaz Butt – unplugged
A series of live Ijaz Butt stand up comedy routines edited into a best of DVD. Hear Ijaz Butt claim that the low crowd attendances are because of the English media, watch him mime Afridi putting a ball in his mouth, laugh as he asks, “what is the deal with Shoaib Ahktar?” His show stopper is a 20 minute smut filled monologue on how the CIA is bringing down the Pakistan cricket team with their rogue agent Shoaib Malik.
All that Ijaz
A reality TV show where you get a all access pass to follow Ijaz everywhere. Highlights include him complaining that Avatar, Miley Cyrus and Viagra are all conspiracies against Pakistan. Also, see Ijaz threaten a garden gnome for being a potential Indian Spy. Watch him foam out the mouth when the paper boy accidentally puts NOTW and the sun on his front porch.
Keep Ijaz Butt in his position in the PCB and open up all press conferences to the public at 20 bucks a pop. Sell Ijaz t-shirts outside. Or Ijaz bobble heads.
Typical letter, “Hi Agony Butt, my friends and family have caught my boyfriend cheating on me several times, and I don’t trust him anymore, but I still love him, what should I do?” Typical response, “All your family and friends are out to get you, it is a huge conspiracy, they are the cheaters”.