How to be the new McGrath

December 21, 2021

According to cricinfo we have the new new new McGrath coming out in Peter George. The new McGrath being Finn, the new new McGrath being Hazelwood, for those who are slow on the uptake when it comes to new model McGraths.

It seems that now “new McGarthism” is the most popular trend in world cricket, just beating momentum and spitting at Suliemann Benn. Apparently in club cricket all over the planet there are young quicks who can’t wait to bowl within themselves for hours on end with no swing.

The cricinfo article actually states there are heaps more new McGraths already playing than you had ever thought.

Stuart Clark – Mcgrath lite.

Mohammad Asif – druggy McGrath.

Morne Morkel – wayward McGrath.

Stuart Broad – McGrath incorporated.

They shouldn’t have stopped there they could have gone further.

Courtney Walsh – Prequel McGrath.

Bob Willis – Zombie McGrath.

Praveen Kumar – Short McGrath.

Shaun Tait – Anti McGrath.

It seems that you only need to fill in one box of McGrath like qualities to make you like McGrath. Those qualities are.

Height

Weigh.

Line

Length

Angry face

8 year old boy’s hair cut.

So if you fit any of these criteria you could be the next new McGrath.

But how will the world know? You are just a tall fast bowler with a shit house hair cut, well this is where your press skills come in.

When talking to the media you must mention McGrath as much as possible. About how he is your idol, how you take so much from him, how he inspired you to bowl within yourself and most importantly you grew your hair in the same style as a homage to the great man.

Then just sit back and wait for the articles to get stacked up.

Even if they aren’t always writing features on you, your name will be mentioned in every new McGrath story out there, and currently there are more new McGrath stories out there than there are facebook groups condoning paedophilia.

Ofcourse you don’t just have to be the new McGrath, you can give it a twist, be the new Jason Gillespie, or the new Andy Bichel, and someone has to be the new Matthew Nicholson (I’m afraid).

As long as you are the new someone we will know how to pigeon hole you and the world will be a better place.