KP is human, and that unsettles me

December 21, 2021

There is something wonderfully insane about KP.

Sure you can pick on the old hairstyle, stupid tattoo, celebrity lady, mincing or what ever it is you’ve decided is the thing that pisses you off.

Most of us just assume he isn’t quite human.

He doesn’t quite feel right.

So today, once Shafiul Islam had bowled himself into the ground, KP looked around and realised that he was facing three spinners who he played like they weren’t spinning the balls, and Shahadat Hossain who was struggling to do anything.

He could have taken the Ian Bell route. Nudged the ball around. Scored at will with a field set back. Eased the crowd in a gentle but deep sleep. Made sure he kept his head. Milked the poor bowling.

People do this in life. It isn’t bad, it’s work. They know their bosses are watching and that a steady consistent performance will give them results, no matter how boring the job is.

KP seems almost unable to bat when he is bored.

Instead of pushing it around, he lifted the ball over the off and on side for fun, even with fielders out. He made 64 off 81 while the rest of the team batted line prozac users.

After lunch he charged, hoiked and slogged the spinners.

He scored 48 off 42 balls from them.

For most of those 42 balls he looked very bored.

Occasionally he would start to come down the wicket before the ball was bowled, there was unnecessary shots across the line, and hitting balls in the air for fun.

The fact that, yet again, he went out to a left arm bowler seems to be less the story than how bored he looked in the middle.

His dismissal came from him charging down the wicket, getting out played by Shakib, and then KP standing mid pitch with only one hand on the bat as he was stumped.

But here is the rub, in almost every way KP is some sort of alien insect being. Most of us would never think of KP as someone like us.

Yet, how many of us have done a shit job at work because of boredom. How many times have you played it fast and loose with some tedious job only to fuck it up? Is it possible that you believed a task was beneath you, and you yawned your way towards doing it badly?

I always get bored, I fuck up all menial jobs, and my whole working life was doing shit at work. I am sure I am not alone.

If you haven’t done any of these, you are probably related to Mike Hussey.

For the rest of us, this is a sick realization, because if you think about it, there is more than a little bit of KP in you.

Somehow it was easier to just think he was alien.