Previously at Lord’s

December 21, 2021

Bangladesh

Decided to bowl first. I’m sure someone thought it was a good idea. Their fielding was as good as putting 9 newborn babies still cased in amniotic fluid out on the field.

England

The one player who was playing for his career, well not for his career, but for his immediate future, stood up. Everyone else looked bored. KP couldn’t even be bothered to be bored.

Can Bangladeshi still draw?

If it rains and Shakib Al Hasan takes an Uzi out to the middle with him, then Bangladesh will still lose.

Play of the day

KP going out to a left arm finger spinner is always entertaining. But my favourite moments of the day were when two Bangladeshi fielders were hit in the head. I like it when people are hit in the head, it doesn’t happen enough. One was brutal when Eoin Morgan marked his debut by smashing the face grill in of short leg, who I think was Kayes. Because he is still alive it was funny. The other player I am not sure about, but he dived after a ball in vain, but the ball then bounced off the rope and back onto his face. It was funnier than the Kayes one, but not as dangerous.

Testicular moment of the day

Every Bangladesh test Jamie Siddons resists the urge to kill one of his players. The veins that pump away in his forehead show how much he wants to do it, but he doesn’t. That kind of restraint takes internal strength and fortitude.

Working class moment

Trott had nothing to gain from today really. If he makes runs people will say he made them against a team as strong as your local 3rd XI. If he failed people would continue to talk about his spot in the team. Part of the working class aesthetic has always been that you’re fucked either way. Trott has picked the better end of the fucking, but it still means little.

Question of the day

Will Shakib ever bowl first again?