Pakistani fan suicide kit and Molly Ringwald, all because of M Hussey

December 21, 2021

“Take a dash of Saeed Ajmal.

A Michael Hussey.

Make sure you mix both with a game that for the first time in a long time Pakistan can win.

It helps if the game is a final, especially one that Pakistan have dominated from the third over in the first innings until the 18th over of the second innings.

Then just fly a plane over Pakistan and drop a bunch of razor blades.”

It is just that simple.

Had Australia lost, the Australian suicide kit would have been simple, just a copy of Michael Clarke batting on a loop, and then the Australians would have broken their own necks.

Instead it is Pakistanis who are thinking of offing themselves, and with good measure.

The Pakistani team didn’t just lose, they broke up with their fans last week, then wooed them back with romantic gestures and a promise of a beautiful life together. Then they only go and sleep with 3 transsexual prostitutes the night before the wedding.

It was more than tragic.

There is something special about Pakistan. They don’t just lose, they take it to a whole new level, some sort of Greek tragedy directed by Takashi Miike.

48 runs from 2.5 overs with 3 wickets in hand. You shouldn’t lose a game of cricket from that position, you shouldn’t lose with a ball to spare, you just fucken shouldn’t.

Mike Hussey’s form was wrist splittingly good.

60 off 24 balls.

Even when he was a statistical anomaly he would have struggled to do anything this good.

Ofcourse there was the normal ice cold finish and the eager beaver twos, but the sixes.

Oh the sixes. Everyone was a punch to a Pakistani kid’s grandmother, in the throat.

There were so many sixes. I gave up counting, but I am sure the average grandmother took some hell of a beating.

In the past I’ve had a fair bit to say about M Hussey, mostly about his test form, well, almost exclusively about his test form, but this was fucking amazing. For a player to step up and do that at that stage in a semi final was just off the charts. Ofcourse he may have kept his test spot for life and ensured that Michael Clarke is the next Australian captain. But his heart was in the right place.

I was so excited I was going to give him a Natalie Portman, and I only give them out for truly special performances, but I didn’t think Mike Hussey would be a fan of Portman.

So here is a Molly, as I see her as more his style.

Well done Mr Hussey, today you have ended the life of many Pakistani fans and inspired me to give you a Molly Ringwald.

Look how happy Molly is, she has always said that while Saeed Ajmal is a good bowler, he can be hittable at times.