Jamie Siddons: Coaching Pyscho

December 21, 2021

If every international cricket coach in the world ended up in fight to the death, it would end with Jamie Siddons standing over the corpses of 8 other men, drenched in blood, and heaving with angry short breaths.

That is the sort of man Siddons is.

More street fighter than coach.

A man who looks gloriously close to ultra violence at all times.

While other coaches are searching for the cliché book when addressing the media, Siddons just talks to the media like he is a celebrity who has been caught fucking a jack rabbit and has gone onto Letterman to clear the air.

That is why it makes perfect sense that mid test he would start abusing the umpiring in this current match. The man is as delicate as Tim Bresnan coming home from a piss up.

Tony Hill’s skill as an umpire is similar to Imrul Kayes skill as a batsman. Rod Tucker is slightly better, but he does seem to miss more than the ICC would ever admit. It would have been easy for Siddons to say, “sometimes the decisions go against you, we are just focusing on our own game”.

Instead he claimed a conspiracy against poor teams by the umpires, which is true, in all sports at all times.

It isn’t like this is his first offence.

Last test he abused his bowling unit.

Before that he was chasing Mohammad Crashraful around the cricket world with a baseball bat.

In this test series every time a Bangladeshi cricketer made a stupid error, the camera will show Siddons straining to stay in his chair so that he doesn’t beat the guy publicly.

Some people need to get up, yell, throw things and show you their anger. With Siddons you can see the pure rage in an arching of the eyebrow; he has more vicious intensity in a sideways glance than most people could muster when bashing someone’s head in with a bowling ball.

It is an interesting throwback of coaching, more 1960’s aussie rules coach than John Bhooka Naan computer nerd.

Siddons is putting biblical fear into his players, “betray me and I shall smite you into oblivion”. Ofcourse it doesn’t take someone as badass as Siddons to scare the average 18 year old play doh tiger.

Looking at the footage of him talking to Jeff Crowe, even Jeff Crowe seemed to be looking around for Sas officers to come in and save him.

Even before this Siddons was our favourite coach in world cricket, and also also the coach we would most like to get punched by.

Now he is our favourite coach who is most likely to be soaked in the blood of his enemies. Or fined by the ICC.