Angelo Mathews does not exist

December 18, 2021

He is Ian Bishop’s favourite player.

His name implies he is some sort of Italian Welsh dockworker.

And he comes across as some sort of Shane Watson prototype except without the mental baggage and jellybean body.

He just isn’t real.

I am sorry to break this illusion, but Angelo Mathews does not exist.

Sri Lanka has a team full of amazing dudes.

King Kumar, coolest motherfucker out there.
Murali, keeper of the record.
Malinga, with the sling and hair.
Mendis, magic fingers.
Sanath, the swashbuckling old man of the ODI.
Dilshan, pimpin’ the scoop.
Samaraweera, the bastard got shot.

All these dudes are match winners and are memorable in one way or another.

They all have a presence. Samaraweera and Dilshan both have gangsta limps for fucks sake.

You expect them to make an impact, you know how to feel about them winning a game of cricket.

Mathews is different.

It isn’t his fault.

He just doesn’t seem to have any reasons to recognise he actually exists.

And I was there when he destroyed the Windies in the world 2020 thingy.

I saw it, with my eyes.

But I was clever enough to look beyond the reality.

Nothing he has ever done has felt real to me.

So I have a theory.

He does not actually exist, he is a construct.

With a team with so much players capable of freakish acts of awesomeness our brains could no longer process it all.

Our brains had to make something that explained the phenomena of Sri Lanka.

So a medium fast not so special looking bowler who bats pretty well without being that explosive or eye catching was created.

It makes sense really.

Our collective unconscious has created this man.

So now when Kumar or Dilshan play a lusty innings, and our minds can’t handle it, we see Angelo Mathews on the scorecard.

If Malinga or Murali bowl so well that the batsmen appear to be on converyor belts, it is Mathews who our eyes see before us.

Ofcourse you might have not seen his name, to you he may not exist.

It could just be my head coming up with this Angelo character and the rest of you can’t see him.

Or maybe he does exist for real.

I doubt it though.