Tom Cruise and Sportreview: together at last

December 21, 2021

Mr Irvine of Sportreview fame has entered the fray, can you top him?

Top Cricket blogger JRod has written a book: The year of the balls 2008: a cricket disrepsective. He’s running a competition to win one with 200 words or less on how CWB is ruining Cricket. Here’s my 198:

*Camera tracks past a pack of grizzly bears on crack patrolling the grounds of a darkened Hollywood hills mansion.*

PA: Mr Cruise?

Tom Cruise: This had better be good – Katie bluescreened again, I’m doing a complete re-install.

PA: You heard of Cricket?

Tom Cruise: Was I a Cricket player in Days Of Thunder?

PA: No…

Tom Cruise: Vanilla Sky? Fuck it, what you got, amigo?

PA: This… Cricket blogger is starting his own religion. Sehwagology.

Tom Cruise: You’re Fucking Kidding Me! That JRod shitheel usually peddles analysis as insightful as Andrew Flintoff ordering a post-Ashes win breakfast kebab! Now it’s a fucking religion?

PA: There might even be a T-Shirt.

Tom Cruise: I. Will. End. Him. Actually, fuck that. I’m going to end Cricket. Get me L. Ron’s reanimated corpse on line one…

*Cut to 2011. Montage of Richie Benaud sighing in a food court, Ian O’Brien blogging about scrapbooking and Lords being used for rolla-lawn before cutting to a hi-fi clearance outlet.*

Virender Sehwag: See this system here? This is Hi-Fi… high fidelity. What that means is that it’s the highest quality fidelity.

*Customer leaves, buzzer sounds as we see The Ashes propping the door open. Credits roll*