A tale of two edits

December 21, 2021

I wrote a piece about Australian spinners and Zombies for TWC.

Here it is.

Only, they took out the zombies.

Imagine you are held up in a castle, which is surrounded by Zombies,
and there are 5 people with you.

One is a librarian, two of them accountants, one unemployed X box
champ and a carpenter who did 6 months of kick boxing.

At this stage you are better equipped to survive the zombies than
Australia is to find a spinner.

You think you know how bad Australia’s spin options are, you really
don’t.

Forget about White’s straight’uns, and Krejza’s cameo on this test.

Back home the truth is even uglier.

3 games into the domestic season and the number one spinning wicket
taker is Marcus North with 6 wickets.

Marcus North is a batsman, a good one, and as a spinner is someone you
bowl before a break, or when your state doesn’t want to pick a real
spinner. His career first class bowling average is 44.

Next on the list is Nathan Hauritz, occasional Australian tourist with
a career first class bowling average of 49, and he has 5 wickets half
way through his third game. How he still gets a first class game for
NSWales is beyond me.

Behind him is Andrew Symonds, the best performed finger spinner
Australia has had since Colin Funky Miller and still in the doghouse
over his fishing.

Then Adam Voges, another batsman, who gets a bowl when Marcus North is
tired.

Rounding out the top 5 is Aaron O’Brien of South Australia, who has a
career first class bowling average of over 70, and a career batting
average of 25. He proves if you can hold a bat you can get a game for
South Australia at the moment.

That is what Australia has to pick from.

They haven’t had the best of luck with their spinners.

Shane Warne retires to spend time with the ladies, Brad Hogg retires
to tend to his sick lady, and Stuart MacGill retires because the fat
lady was singing.

Then they find Cricket With Balls Own Nice Bryce McGain in an internet
café searching dating sites, they offer him the job, he takes it, but
his arm is stuffed from all those years of moving his mouse around and
he can’t bowl.

So what do they have left, a batsman who doesn’t bowl himself in
White, and an off spinner with a terrible record on the field and not
much better off it in Krejza.

Not to forget Beautiful Beau Casson who went from being a test
cricketer to not being a regular in his state side without playing a
game in between.

Australia does not have a spin dilemma, they simply don’t have spinners.

What they have is part timers, White, North, Symonds, and Voges.

And journeymen, Krejza, Hauritz, Casson, and O’Brien.

There are young spinners coming through, Jon Holland from Victoria has
impressed a lot of players in his first year, and Steve Smith from
NSWales looks like a real talent.

Unfortunately Dan Cullen, Xavier Doherty and Cullen Bailey have been
“coming through” for so long now it looks like they have gotten lost.

If you were a selector looking for an Australian spinner right now,
you’d probably prefer to take on a few Zombies.

Although, you could argue most of these guys bowl like Zombies already.