cricket with balls

Somehow I came third, I can’t believe it, and neither can sportsfreak.

I have noticed an abnormal amount of people picking their best team of the world t20 thingy.

So I thought I better do one.

Andre Fletcher; 3 ducks in 5 innings, something special in that.
Jacques Kallis; someone has to keep the run rate in check. 
Rob Key; listed at 3 will bat at 6, once.
Ricky Ponting; captaincy and morale.
Jehan Mubarak; 7 innings for a top score of 21.
Jacob Oram; remember when he could bat.
James Foster; remember that Yuvraj stumping… and that’s all.
Stuart Broad; fielding specialist.
Brett Lee; came back to help Australia.
Isuru Udana; lego hair twice went for over 40, top effort.
Glenn Rogers; 4 overs for 52 runs, doing it for Scotland.
Ishant Sharma; 2 wickets, heaps of runs, shit hair.

There is nothing this team can’t accomplish.

Since no one at the ICC or world anti-doping agencies could believe Afridi’s two grown up batting displays, they have decided to test him for drugs.

This is a standard practice, and not because they saw him snorting cocaine of a group of women after his innings in the semi final.

They are looking for a performance-enhancing cocktail that will explain the last few days.

We don’t need a test to tell us what substance is in his veins.

Awesomeness. Pure Awesomeness.

A natural compound found in the Zulus, Indigenous Australians, Jazz musicians and Natalie Portman.

Afridi has bucketloads of awesomeness coursing though him.

Awesomeness is not an illegal performance-enhancing substance, as there is no known test for it, although it does make the person perform better and makes them more awesome.

Along with all this awesomeness, his tests will show more testosterone than any drug test has ever shown, but this is not artificial. Afridi is a bulging sinew of raw sexual power, and he runs on testosterone.

Any readings of above normal testosterone levels should be accepted.

Ofcourse there is one drug that Afridi will have.

There is a fair chance he did not take it knowingly, and that Younis Khan crushed it, and then slipped it into Afridi’s meals.

Adderall.

Which for those unaware does this:
Adderall is a central nervous system stimulant. It affects chemicals in the brain and nerves that contribute to hyperactivity and impulse control.

I think we all know the tests will show up positive for this.

I know what you are thinking, “Jrod hasn’t told us who will win the World T20 thingy, how will we watch the game knowing this”.

Settle down sunshine, here is my guess.

Nether team will win, instead a giant squid will attack Lord’s killing everyone, especially the children and smurf dancers.

If that doesn’t happen I am torn.

Once Australia and India looked rubbish i thought Sri Lanka would win.

But…

I expected them to play the probotic children of the mechanic revolution (South Africa), and thusly win easily with their wizards and demons.

Now they are playing Pakistan, who has 5 bowlers I would trust more than Sri Lanka’s Junk bowlers (Sorry, Lego Hair Udana and Angelo), and I am unsure.

Sri Lanka still has the freakish team, but so does Pakistan, and they look more in form.

So i will go out on a limb and choose my third differernt winner of the tournament, Pakistan.

Shahid Afridi is almost as sexy as Natalie Portman at the moment, and he made me use this sentence on twiiter recently, “Afridi saluting the crowd is the moment I am more sexually attracted to a man than i feel comfortable with.”

Pakistan for me.

If Sri Lanka win I will go back to my original (read second) choice that the Lankans can win.

And for the women’s, I will remain loyal to my original (really) thoughts that the Kiwi side will win.

Unless England and CWB’s own Hilly Colvin win, and they I support Holly.

Some of you may think Ricky Ponting is the worst Australian cricket captain you can think of.

Would it fuck with your mind if i said he may not even be the worst Australian captain at the moment.

Karen Rolton played such an important part in Australia’s loss today it is hard overlook it.

Her field placings were, wait for it, Pontingesque.

She seemed to lose faith in some bowlers after one over.

Her complete lack of imagination or will to make drastic changes took Australia to an amazing loss.

Sure Claire Taylor helped, her innings in partnership with Beth Morgan was super mega good, but it would have nice to have seen her tested once or twice.

The poms were taking twos at will, yet Australia never moved in any closer from the boundary.

They scored off every ball that didn’t go to the bowler or to the keeper.

And Beth Morgan had one get out shot, the lap sweep, which see played about 9 times, mostly for boundaries, expect for the odd miss  and the one she hit into her jaw.

Yet Rolton never put the fine leg back, or put her finer where the ball kept going.

She just looked lost and confused, and she made me give women’s cricket the ultimate compliment.

I got so angry I forgot it was a women’s match and that I shouldn’t have cared, and upon completion I was so fucken pissed off I yelled ‘useless bitches’.

Had it been the men’s side who had preformed such a mind fuckingly poor effort in the field I would have called them fucken useless pricks.

So the women’s game is definitely gaining importance in my anger and care factor.