cricket with balls

A cricketer walks into a bar.

He has a shaven head.

But a famous face.

Someone drops a glass.

He, and his team mates, get asked to leave.

It makes the papers.

Hardly a story involving a politician snorting cocaine off the anus of a slave boy from Mongolia.

But in James Sutherland’s little browned book another mark goes against Roy.

You have to respect Andrew Symonds.

Most people start off immature, and slowly grow up.

It takes some longer than others, and occasionally you get to a certain age and have a mid life crisis where you become immature for a little time.

Andrew Symonds has dome something different, he is losing all the maturity he never really had.

Its not really a news worthy event, Roy gets drunk fortnightly.

He gets caught doing something stupid almost weekly these days.

It should be a story if Roy doesn’t get drunk and do something stupid for a month.

Chris Simpson says “I don’t consider that he was loud and boisterous.”

But like that matters.

It makes the newspapers, and we laugh at Roy.

The lump of shit/cowdirtgate involving beer, Roy & HG, Prince Brendan and a soused Roy just took another victim.

Andrew Symonds’ testicles.

The 4,000 clam fine was a bait and switch.

The real fine was his manhood.

Sorry son, you are too mentally fucked up to play for Australia.

We wont have you, and your alcoholic nature tainting this losing team.

The team needs more sober players who just aren’t up to it.

James Sutherland has spoken.

Some may question why they bothered to fine him for his comments if they were intending to suspend him from another tour, don’t bother, you can’t possibly understand inside the mind of an administracrat like Sutherland.

James has prescribed more pshychological counselling.

Which is all fine for a normal Probot, but Roy is like the Irish, impervious to psychobabble, it just isn’t in his nature.

Symonds’ career is all but over.

There was a time when Ricky carried a certain amount of power, and he used that power to get the players he liked in the team.

Ricky has no such power now.

And sports drinks, banks or breakfast cereal will not tolerate Roy’s anti corporate behaviour.

Roy is learning about generational change first hand, and it reminds me of a line in Sin City.

“Dwight: Most people think Marv is crazy. He just had the rotten luck of being born in the wrong century. He’d be right at home on some ancient battlefield swinging an axe into somebody’s face. Or in a Roman arena, taking his sword to other gladiators like him. They woulda tossed him girls like Nancy back then.”

Roy was born at the dawn of a new era, the time when Australian players were lauded for drinking efforts dissolved 10 years ago, and now the men in suits control the game, and all transgressions that separate you lead to an exit.

He will be 34 soon, and Cricket Australia won’t let a man on the way out sully their dream of a corporate utopia.

This is a homage to Roy, and to Kevin Peter Hall.

cricketwithballs

My Uncle Ross sent this to me.

I likes it.

If you have a photo of something that takes the piss out of cricket, send it through to cwb@cricketwithballs.com and i may just put it up here.

cricketwithballs

“All of a sudden everyone is asking questions about him. I’m not sure why that is,”

Ricky Ponting

The him is Roy.

And Ponting is not sure why people want to ask questions about him.

He’s a funny man that Ponting.

It’s like he lives in a different world (thanks rob) than the rest of us.

cricketwithballs