cricket with balls

Sudden change of technology. Press the play button and watch me go.

Lord’s. Ashes. What is left of Nathan Hauritz finger. The pitch is flat. England is odd. What will happen on day two? Pie fights? This page is set to reload every couple of minutes.

Great session, 6 wickets.

Jimmy has the two wickets, one from a shit short one down the legside, and one from a Rudi mistake.

Australia need one a partnership.

Thanks for reading.

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Freddie starts with a bouncer, snicko shows up Rudi.

Very quick from Freddie, 94.2.

Last ball before lunch, is a dead ball as katich seems to get hit on the gloves or thighs.

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“What was that in the “historically innaccurate Ashes”?  ”This is fucken bullshit”.  And the one-eyed remark from Atherton about it being lbw if he didn’t hit it was a low blow, too.  So much for impartial observations!” Carrot.

Jimmy starts with a lovely one that beats Hussey.

Keith fucken Stackpole is in the crowd, go Keith.

Safe over, one to go now.

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Freddie drops short, the Krab slaps it for the classic one bounce for over backward point.

And next ball Katich tries to tickle one through point, and misses it.

Testing over, but England still don’t look all that threatening.

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“So now the Australians are giving the Englishmen stiff competition in getting out to the most insipid deliveries.” Dm, with a bit of help from Rudi.

Fancy showing the Queen before Richie, at least one of them has earnt their title.

Hussey looking nervous, so situation normal.

He gets off the mark with on hip for two.

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England on top with a bit of luck.

Freddie back over the wicket to katich, but around to Hussey.

This is a good partnership to have together for England. They won’t take the game away from you.

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I am confused.

Did he even get anywhere near that?

Ponting out caught at slip, eventually after some third umpire checking.

Terrible decision from Rudi.

Missed it by a distance, but did middle his toe.

Australia have no luck, a sodomy down the leg side and a catch without the bat.

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Freddie around the wicket.

I am happy, if for no other reason than the commentators will shut up about it.

I’ve always thought Katich is harder to get out from around the wicket.

What do i know though, I’m no beefy.

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Ponting guides one through covers for a couple to get off the mark.

Bit of a lamer over.

Even though a wicket has fallen, England look a bit flat.

Might be the wicket.

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“Well, after the performance of the WORLDS GREATEST LEFT ARMER, now for the new Bradman.  Oh.  He’s gone.” Chris. To a terrific ball as well.

Long close up of Ricky chewin’. Fuck he looks determined.

“So finally the way to get out Hughes is discovered. Keep on bowling on the leg side.” Dm.

Handy over from Freddie but no real scares.

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Anderson going for the inswinger to Ponting.

Hits him on the hip, but still gets a big appeal.

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Hughes starts Australia with a back foot guide through point.

And he’s out.

Sodomized down the legside off the short one.

Just a touch of the gloves.

Shit ball, wicket.

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The queen is there, who’s feeling horny?

Freddie has opened up.

Nice carry for him so far.

He gets one to fly through to beat the Krab.

Matching maidens.

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Jimmy straight back into the action.

Hughes looks pretty calm.

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James Anderson is the third best batsman England has.

Change of innings, see you in ten.

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“Tail enders having a go. is there a more bueautiful sight in cricket.” narkins. no.

This is good news for Australia though, if Onions can back away and get runs, this is a top deck.

Anderson smacks that. Full and wide and he lifts it over point.

Poor bastards, deserved a 50 run partnership.

Mitch came around the wicket, Anderson looked confused and opened the face to gully.

425 all out.

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“Time for the first bad Onions pun of the day?” Neerav. No.

Come on Onions, play a shot, at least Jimmy is.

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Anderson starts with a back foot club through covers for four.

Follows it up with a leg glance for 4.

Mitch thinks he should go back to yesterday’s length and drops short and wide, another 4.

England doing well, Anderson eyeing off a double ton.

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Just one of those overs that piss you off if you are the fielding sides. Play and missing and scoops in the air.

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Johnson comes on as Siddle throws up his breakfast into a ceramic bowl.

Onions hits the ball straight to Johnson, and runs, Mitchell couldn’t pick it up.

Lots of squirting to third man.

Onions is a better batsman than Strauss, discuss.

“I hope Siddle isn’t too ill to bat, he’ll be needed by tea time.” Chris.

Anderson pops in with a backfoot drive with style.

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Siddle is being taken off the field, we didn’t get to see him vomit in HD super slow mo.

How cool would that have been?

“Jrod, can you tell me who is manning the trolley they are using to get that backstop from end to end after each over, or do its feet actually move?” Apples. A tiny monkey.

Onions gets another cut shot away.

A deep point out for Onions now, i suppose that isn’t too bad, it is his only shot.

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Siddle met with the Physio, the exchange dessert recipes, and he comes into bowl.

At any moment here we could see someone throw up on the Pitch.

Siddle is gonna vom up.

I was taking the piss, but he really is.

Get the sawdust.

He is dry reaching, still has time to hit Onions.

Onions gets a cut shot just past Hussey’s hands.

It was little on style, but 4 on runs.

Then he backs away from an inswinger and somehow hits the ball with his eyes closed.

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“What did the English batters do last night? They’ve no idea today. They’ve left their bowlers with it all to do.” realto. Technically these are the English bowlers, and as my mum often said, you’re only letting yourself down.

Anderson tries a flash back cut with one hand.

He does well to hit it.

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Onions came out on the pitch quickly. Did he expect this to happen?

Anderson gets off the mark with a run out single. No run there, no wonder the bastard never makes a duck, he tries to run out the other tailender.

Pitch is still slow. Onions backs away, and gets an edge but it doesn’t make slip.

Onions continues to jump around, haven’t seen him bat much, but he doesn’t give me any great confidence in his ability.

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Broad gets one down the legside and helps it to the rope.

He swipes at another one, it just misses off stump and goes for four.

Next ball he does it again, but onto the stumps.

England = Shithouse.

Not much swing, no real seam, and 3 wickets in 3 overs.

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Siddle finishes it off with a brute that rips past Anderson. Nicer pace on that one.

Wacky google search, “shane watson male porn star”

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Siddle is on, we are about to find out the pace of this pitch.

“Fecking hell wing commander. thats the 4th time hes got out after adding less than 6 to a over night hundred.” Narkins.

Nasser said that Broad has been bowled a few times off this thigh pad, so change the thigh pad.

Broad gets a single, everyone is happy.

Siddle starts with a bouncer, looked pretty slow, Swann was safely underneath it. Katich is fielding at short leg without a helmet, poofy commentators think it is dangerous. Bullshit, I did it two weeks ago.

Swann was shitting himself a little too much and hung his bat out to a chest high one and finds Ponting at slip.

He isn’t going to get a ball in his half from now on.

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The best part of the wicket was the fact Strauss had all but covered every part of his off stump, it was almost a peekaboo dismissal.

Swann clips one through the leg side to start with a boundary.

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Hilfy to open up.

Hauritz off the field.

You are kidding me.

Strauss leaves a gentle inswinger, and it takes off stump out.

Why don’t people want to play Hilfy?

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Welcome to the 2nd morning.

Let us swear as one if the clouds come over.

Will Strauss make a double ton?

Are Staurt Broad’s nuts still sore?

Will Graeme Swann hook Peter Siddle?

Can Mitchell Johnson hit the pitch?

Lord’s. Ashes. Mitchell Johnson’s Nightmare. The pitch is flat. Australia is fat. What will happen in the afternoon session? Naked sex romps? This page is set to reload every couple of minutes or so.

That is me for the day, thanks for reading.

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Holy fuck, Kp almost grabbed the ball 3 times, and all three times i started appealing.

That is why you never ever pick up the ball.

Then Hilfy laughs, then hilfy walks back, then he bowls a bouncer and KP is late to hook it and gloves it straight up in the air.

Next ball KP almost platys the straight one on, Hilfy is on fire.

Then Strauss gets a third while McDonald is fiddling around the boundary rope. And that is his ton.

Has been a very good knock, way better than Cook’s shit.

KP back on strike they, Australia wouldn’t mind.

But he middles it, and that is tea.

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“I think Hughes’ mum might have been a qantas hostie.  He looks like Ralph fiennes” Superzaco. Until I read the end I thought you were trying to say his mum was a bitch.

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KP leaves one from Hilfy, close, but not as close as last time.

Hilfy then over pitches and the ball is driven through mid off.

Australia have spent alot of time thinking about fields to KP, short catching mid off, catching short cover, catching short midwicket, and KP gets an inside edge back onto this thigh.

246/2

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Strauss has a mid pitch nap while Ricky gives 4 overthrows.

Still no bowling from Michael Hussey, I am as surprised as you are.

Great bowling from North, bowls a quicker one and KP is slow to react and edges past slip.

Have been very impressed with his spell, but I also like wickets.

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“the most accomplished brown person to play for england remain basil d’oliviera… for god’s sake, ravi, owais, sajid mehmood, usman afzaal, please fly the flag for us” KK. The most accomplished brown nose player was Ashley Giles.

Inside edge from KP.

Not loving the swinging ball at the moment.

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North is slowly, or so very slowly, working Strauss out.

Strauss senses this and slog sweeps off the edge as much as anything else but with no man out, could have gone straight up.

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KP hangs his bat in the wind and misses a massive outswinger.

NEWSFLASH: Hauritz is on the balcony.

KP misses another one.

“Don’t F this up, KP.” brett. You can say fuck here. Unless you had another F word in mind.

KP was going to miss another one but snatched his bat away.

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“Bopara looks just as likely to score a zillion as go out next ball. Finally a bit of excitement” Poopsie. I think you pressed send as that hit his pad.

North still on.

Deep point out now.

“nice mo KP..” Moses.

Ravi and Cook out, both to straight balls, again.

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Hilfy swings one into a wide half volley and Ravi slathers it with jam.

Next one he goes at again, and this time he almost finds point, one bounce to North.

Australia would think they can pick him up soon.

That is plumb, fuck it is.

Ravi looked like a puppy on the freeway then.

Just the straight one, but Hilfy had taken them all away, and Warne’s call on Ravi might not be the worst one ever.

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North doing a top job here.

He almost bowls Strauss with a straight one that Haddin also left.

Then North bowls a wild one down the leg side, Strauss tries very hard to get some bat on it, and he helps it for 4. Would be a long time between runs for him.

Strauss squeezes a drive thorough point.

North built up all that pressure, but once he went down the legside he lost it.

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“Fark even Hussey and Ponting may bowl 10 overs each” Poopsie. Ricky would get good swing there.

Hilfy is back on, good spell Mitch, lots of shit bowling, and a wicket.

Ravi is throwing himself at everything, Hilfy gets some swing, and Ravi hits it a foot past Hughes at short cover, the ball goes for four.

Fuck me if for the first time the ball hasn’t started to really hoop.

210/1

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North might be able to get Strauss here, he looks frustrated, and North is doing well.

Ponting brought up the deep point and midwicket for the last ball, North gets his second maiden.

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Mitch’s celebration was Lord Stueyesque.

Rav starts with a chip over square leg to the rope, Mitch tries a slower ball next ball.

Half volley on off stump, just a lazy ten off that one.

Go Mitch.

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“cook misses out on a lords ashes hundred to mitchell johnson on his worst day. as nelson would say “ha-ha” KK.

North is out thinking Strauss a bit here, and they share a Lord’s giggle.

The odd one is turning for him as well.

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Rav is in. His photo makes him look a little retarded.

He isn’t.

Mitch was just to quick for Cook.

It would have been a top ball at 11:12.

1/196

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Mitchell bowls a special short and wide one, Strauss top edges it.

I think Australia should move the slips to thirdman, and then they will be a chance to take a catch.

Cook gets sucked in my a FULL and STRAIGHT ball, and he misses it.

He made 95, funny.

Mitchell might be bowling ass loads of dribble, but he is a wicket taker.

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It’s time for Tim Neilsen to get a little Jim Jones with the Kool-Aid.

“I wonder if Warnie is pissed that John Buchanan has been so successful so far in this test” TGM. I didn’t know Bhooka Naan was playing.

North actually looks far more likely than Hauritz to get a wicket, no real surprise, just thought I’d mention it.

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“What are we watching here? It sure as hell does not look like test cricket” poopsie. Tiddlywinks.

Mitch is on.

Starts with a short wide one. Gets smacked.

If I was Ponting I would rip out his tongue ring.

And again, Andrew mcDonald saves it though.

He decides on yorkers for the rest of the over, must be 2020 time.

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Overthrows in this over.

I think Haddin should come on to bowl.

Cook or Strauss would need a real brain fuck to go out right now.

NEWSFLASH: Bauritz is not on the balcony, I repeat, Hauritz not on the balcony.

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Australia has bowled quite well after lunch, and then Siddle drops sort and gets cut, but they have.

This over is shit, stop fucking saying good things jrod.

“Shall I be the first to ask if there’s another Australian spin bowler in England that the tourists could call on for the next match if Hauritz is out?   Maybe even someone with a few test wickets?” Chris. Terry Jenner is there.

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Haddin misses one of those tricky ones that went straight to him.

I would pay money to see Haddin keep on an uncovered wicket.

Then Ponting lets one go through his legs.

“to relieve the boredom i started browsing through your “in bed with” series. will you consider ever writing one about sir brian charles, or will that get too graphic, even for this site?” KK. Doubtful. As he doesn’t play anymore, but you never know.

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“Hauritz put down a catch only Haddin would have dropped” TGM. Haddin would get good turn on this wicket.

Cook hasn’t looked comfortable to me all day, he is on 88.

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North bowls a good over.

He is a handy spinner, and in this match he might get 50 overs.

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Siddle on.

There is a weird muted buzz out there now.

Hauritz is on the balcony with the physio.

His finger is all wrapped up, but he can’t bowl.

Not a bad over from Siddle, but there were more shots of hauritz than of Siddle.

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Hauritz is down.

Australia might be fucked here.

Strauss comes down the wicket and whacks one straight back to him, and he should have caught it, instead it dislocated his finger.

The middle one.

That might be him for the match.

I don’t think you can bowl off spin without your middle finger.

North finishes the over, and keeps his fingers.

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Haddin takes one and almost appeals.

Great ball.

Hilfy gets decides agaisnt persisting with his good elngth drops short and there goes the ball.

And again.

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Hauritz isn’t bowling bad, but I’d be happy to face him now.

“it was a no ball, but haddin just got syphilis” the gaz man. How could he catch it?

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Aussie wags pen on show. That runner is there, the blonde one that is married to Manou, her name, please?

Fucken useless pricks.

Hilfy gets an edge, Haddin drops it, and it is a no ball.

Australia is now taking the piss.

Hilfy is bowling the line though, and the length.

Strauss sort of mauls one for 2, bring up his 50.

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Ponting changes the field, because Cook slogged two balls last over.

Warne is not happy, neither am I.

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“I would be amazed if Strauss or Cook had any lunch, having feasted on so many delicious pies in the morning session.  Who can blame them for having a quiet few minutes waiting for the inevitable leg-side trash…” Chris.

Hilfy got bored bowling a great line and length and so he popped in with a slower ball down the leg side.

134/0

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Cook slogs one off hauritz. Who does he think he is, James Anderson?

Cook looks a bit edgy, I wonder if that is because of his score, or his strike rate.

Another big hit.

Wow.

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This is a terrible start for Australia.

Line.

Length.

Pitiful.

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Mitchell being “rested”.

Hauritz is on.

Just a normal everyday hauritz over.

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Hilfy beats the bat.

And again.

This doesn’t seem so hard now.

Hilfy will be pulled out of the attack for this kind of line and length.

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Too much Steve Waugh in the lunch break, my testicles have gone back into my body.

For those who haven’t read it, see Me Vs. Steve Waugh here.

Lord’s. Ashes. Last Night’s Pizza. This day has it all. If you want to talk about the fantastic cricket Entertainment the birth place of Gin soaked sunburnt wankers has provided leave a comment. Once the game starts this page is set to reload every couple of minutes or so.

Warne and technology prove an uncomfortable partnership.

Hauritz is bowling medium pace.

Not sure what the idea of that over was.

And lunch.

Well batted England, yes they batted on a Keira, but they still had to put away all the bad balls, and that can be tiring.

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Siddle starts with an unplayable ball. Of all the Australian bowlers he is the one who has looked least likely not to get a wicket. If you know what I mean.

“Harmison must be breathing a sigh of relief at missing out – a lucky escape, considering the pitch.” Dave. I think Australia would like to play him on his.

Two men on the leg side, Siddle gets on the stumps, Cook gets it to the rope.

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Strauss sweeps one for four.

Another sweep, another 4.

According to the Guardian this is English cricket fans:

“Merchant bankers; young men from City law firms getting “bladdered”; a few “anoraks” who can afford the outrageous ticket prices you have to pay for a ticket to a Test match. Lord’s is also famously blessed with MCC members, a crusty collection of public-school bores who nab all the best seats and wear outlandishly coloured ties and blazers.“

Which one are you?

Warne isn’t happy with the field, it is an odd one.

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A right arm bowler comes around the wicket to a left hander, and Ricky thinks, only two fielders on the leg side.

Fuck that.

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Decent over from hauritz, nothing special.

Just to prove I am now an expert on off spin, here is an excerpt from this week’s Barnes Bugle:

“With their remaining opener nurdling to 49, the game was slithering away from Barnes until a spirited fightback lead by spin-king Kimber the Timber.
He somehow extracted variable bounce from the pudding pitch and started to get turn. The happy Harrow boys fell silent for the first time as wickets fell and Moolman picked up an astonishing catch between his shins.”

Whole spell was bowled with the wettest cricket ball I have ever used. Leg spin was not an option.

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Haddin has missed dropped three balls in an over and a ball. My god man, you have gloves on.

“It is almost as if the groundsman prepared this pitch with Andrew McDonald in mind” Poopsie. I always have AM on my mind.

Siddle fires a bouncer a mile down leg side, for the first time Haddin had no chance.

Australia have lost the plot.

“4 byes? harsh on the backstop but fek ‘im !!!!” Apples.

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Nathan Hauritz is God.

And he is on.

Now that I have taken 3/52 bowling off spin, I realise how fucken easy off spin is.

Warne is talking up McGain, good man Warne.

Typical Hauritz over, not much happened.

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“man sky is pathetic. when memories of 2005 would not suffice, they show a scorecard from fucking 1934. the english would never win until they stop looking at the fucking past. ” KK.

Cook brings up a 50 from an edge/steer to third man. Off only 73 balls, Mitch should be proud, look at the strike rate he got cook to.

Next ball Siddle balls a top delivery, and Cooks misses it and Haddin drops it.

“Has there even been an appeal yet – Haddin not withstanding?” Poopsie. Edge to second slip. And that is all.

Siddle bowls another great one, Cook leaves it and it almost takes off stump with it, and Haddin is so excited he refuse to stop the ball.

Best over of the match, Cook pads up, it is not out, but it is worth a shout.

Siddle is looking hot here.

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Mitch drops short, which on this pitch is likeing steve waugh a question he doesn’t want to here.

Time for Mike Hussey to bowl.

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“Can we sue someone for false advertising?  Where is this all-rounder with the combined skill of Miller, Sobers and Botham?   Where he be?  Who’s this shitty left-armer who makes Mark Illott look good?” Chris. I’m more a pitch fork kind of guy. Let me at Mitchell and I’ll fix/kill him.

I shit you not they have changed bowlers, AGAIN. Siddle on now. What is Ricky doing?

That wasn’t a bad over from Siddle. He looks a bit more controlled than he was at Cardiff.

Doesn’t look like taking a wicket, but none of them do.

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Mitch is still on, purely for comedy effect you’d imagine.

“hilfenhaus has got the right idea. he will just bore them to death with that steady line and length. of course boring cook and strauss to death would take so long there would be no world left to witness it” KK.

I am whsipering this, but Mitchell is bowling a much better over.

Half volley on leg stump, 4.

Apparently I whispered too loudly.

And a short one, a pull shot, a worried look from Mitch, 4.

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Strauss greets Hilfy with a limp wristed pull shot off a full ball.He misses it.

“Clark must be wondering about karma, not to be bowling here, and watching this rubbish. Siddle and Hilfie are nice enough bowlers on their day, but not for Lords, Not for the big guns.” Steve. You’re right, it’s Hilfenhaus and Siddle that are bowling rubbish…

Hilfy is now just hitting a length, nothing else to do out here.

“Hey did you know Boycott met Siddle’s parents at Cardiff? That’s the 4th time I’ve heard him tell the story now, so guess they must ave been proud as punch” Bumble met them too. The whores.

65/0

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Mitch on again.

Ricky is like a coked up teenager with a new iphone here.

And he drops one short, which is cut for four, and cut and paste that for the next ball.

Say what you want about Mitch, he is the most entertaining part of this first session.

“did anyone else think flintoff looked injured even in the coming up batsmen segment they did with all of them walking to the screen?” KK. Yes. And that someone had digitally altered all the heights so that everyone is the same height. Unless Matt Prior is 6′5

That was a good ball from Mitch. Wow.

One more short one, Mitch gets away with it.

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An American girl likes test cricket. It is saved.

“Does anyone keep records for the number of bowling changes made in the first session of a test match? I can’t keep up with this.” Chris. The most changes with the fewest amount of bowlers.

Can I just say I was at the MCC meeting the other day and they were all talking about how the want to make test cricket better and all that shit. Bullshit. This pitch is made for entertaining test cricket. Stick your pink balls up your ass if this is what you are going to prepare for us. I’m going to write a letter to someone. Henry Rollins perhaps.

Nothing happened that over.

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This is not a pitch, it’s a platter.

Siddle drops one short, because this is clearly the wicket for that, and Cook miss hits a pull shot in the air but safe.

57/0

Drinks.

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Hilfy comes back on. Is Mitch the most expensive change bowler in history?

“This now qualifies as a “flyer”.Give Kattich a bowl!” Stu.

I’m not sure I am even watching the cricket. Even when Strauss and Cook get off to a good start it does bore me.

Andrew McDonald on the field, lock up your daughters.

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“This pitch is shite. Rain-affected draw. Feels like 1953 all over again.” D Charlton. Just talked to Neil Harvey, he says the wicket had a bit more seam early on.

Siddle is keeping the runs down here.

Doesn’t look like getting a wicket.

He keeps searching for something and eventually puts it full and wide and Strauss helps himself through covers.

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Oh Ricky. He has brought Mitch back on, I assume to change ends with Siddle, but is that one over out of the attack enough for him.

Mitch slips one by Cook, it didn’t seem to move at all.

Cook edges one through gully to the rope.

“Not the way you want to start your first test at HQ, with the inbred hobbit dragging you off after four overs” Chris. Especially when his wet hands touch you.

Not a bad over compared to the shit of the rest.

PAUL HARRIS IS THE 8TH RANKED BOWLER IN THE WORLD. KILL EVERYONE YOU LOVE. THE END IS COMING.

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“Why is it that every time there is an improtant series, the Aussie spearhead tends to start having family problems. (Brett Leeagainst India and now Mitch)” DM. Lee’s one was actually before a one day series against Bangladesh.

Hilfy has worked out this is like the tracks of Hobart, invented to kill bowlers, and he has slipped into a comfortable line.

maiden.

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“This pitch looks like as lifeless as Neil Harvey” Poopsie. Was it better in your day…

Never doubt my influence, Peter Sizzle is on.

He starts with a marshmallow short ball.

Siddle might be wondering when he will turn up on a wicket that anyone would like to bowl on.

Average first over.

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“Do you get the feeling Mitchell Johnson is really worried about what his Mum is going to do next.” Stu. Aren’t we all.

Cook plays a handy pull shot off a not so short ball.

England look more confident now.

Ricky, have you go your blackberry on? Take Mitch off, and stop spitting in your fucken hands.

39/0

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Maybe I was wrong about Mitch, that last one was 93 clicks.

Or I was right. Next one is a half tracker outside off stump and Strauss queue ends with through covers for 4.

He has the pace now, but he is everywhere. On the pads and Strauss clips it for another 4.

England is only scoring at one end.

And he fires one down the legside.

Get him off for fucks sake.

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Cook waves his bat outside off stump, he doesn’t do that often… He gets a 4.

First runs off HIlfy.

Ricky gambles with a 2nd gully instead of a 3rd slip and Cook (playing away from his body) nicks one that Ricky was a little slow on, but even if he went quickly it might have been out of his grasp. Top over.

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A bouncer, the game has a pulse.

Wide, short and shit from Mitch and Strauss slaps that away, Mitchell has the face of someone who has just founds his car keys after an exhaustive search.

On the pads Strauss flips one through, two catching men on the leg side but that was safe enough.

Mitchell needs a break already.

15/0

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That was another over.

7/0

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Can we start the game now.

7/0

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Was that swing i see before me?

Hilfy is just holding his line or slightly coming back now.

Cook plays an angled bat dab to square leg. Have seen that shot many times before from Cook.

Maiden.

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Mitch is on, thought they might be tempted to bowl Siddle up front, he is the better new new ball bowler.

He almost starts with an accidental wicket as he gets one on Cook’s pads and he hits it in the air behind square for four.

One top ball in the over, like hilfy’s over, except with runs.

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Hilfy to start, interesting, Johnson at first change?

Strauss facing up.

Warne in the box.

Hilfy bowled that as slow as he could.

And then a real ball, much better.

After 5 balls of warm up Hilfy squirts one off the seam and Strauss misses it.

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Teams as stolen from cricinfo. Montybot out, Onions in.

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Welcome to the coverage of the ANdrew Flintoff memorial game.

I have my knee and ankle braces on, and have coloured a small patch of my hair a different colour.

The third day of the test is here. Ricky and Simon took the fun out of it yesterday, will anyone stand up for the England.  The page is set to refresh every couple of minutes. Feel free to add your mind in the comments.

It has been a pleasure, thanks to all three of you for commenting, don’t eat the shrimp, good night and good luck.

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The last over before lunch, England get some luck with Clarke facing.

Montybot gets so super bounce, just super.

Clarke gets one away for two, North hasn’t watched him bat much, I would have farmed the strike, or ploughed it.

But Clarke doesn’t have a brain fart, and that is lunch.

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Broad looks fired up now, must have been those 12 runs in the previous over.

This is the best time to bowl to Clarke, he hates batting for breaks.

Gets one down the ground for a 3 though, England need him on strike.

Broad gets short and wide to North, and Marcus does everything he can to get out to it.

346/4

Superazo, “i think it’s great that broad can find time out from touring with Hansen to play some cricket….” MMMM… bop. I tried not to write it, but it is addictive.

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If you think i put this up just because it is keith miller, you are correct.

When Marcus North is struggling I really want a commentator to say he looks like a disorganised batsman.

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Strauss patted Montybot like a dog, there’s a good boy.

Broad on.

England try a leg slip to Clarke, so Broad drops it short and Clarke pulls it for four.

Leg slip lasts one ball.

Broad bowls a ball that might have gone to first slip, Clarke players a slater drive to get two, ugly cricket all round.

Broad needs a wicket, and he gets a full oen to Clarke who edges through the vacant third slip region.

Whoops.

12 off this over.

Not what England needed.

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Montybot comes on before Swann, again….

Ponting eases one through the offside to bring up his 150.

Montybot has a run out chance and misses the stumps with an awkward back flick by 7 metres.

Shit ball from Monty, but Ricky drags it on.

England really needed that, this is an interesting 17 or so minites.

Well played you hairy armed goblin.

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Freddie decides to throw the ball back at Clarke a few times.

The crowd likes it.

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Jimmy into his seventh over this spell, how long can they go for.

This spell has been good, but will the 3 other bowlers be able to match it, as they will be bowling in the session of death.

Clarke finds a hole at midwicket and gets off the mark.

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England must get Clarke out early, if they don’t he will make a hundred, he loves coming in when the score is like this, it is his bread and butter. His average would be 25 without great starts from the top order.

superzaco, “i have a lazy hunney that this pitch looks like a baghdad highway by day five. typical useless fucking welsh. good for nothing but triple word scores in scrabble.”

In the last two days there have been one wicket taken in the middle session, they need one more here I reckon.

And Freddie beats Clarke on queue.

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First one to Clarke is on a good length, and he pushes it to gully.

richie “my god. an english commentator just acknowledged the 06/07 series. did the earth stop spinning, just for a second?”

Clarke leans on the next one and it flies to point and Ravi only just stops it. Awesome timing.

Jimmy follows up with a full toss and Clarke clips it to mid wicket.

wicket maiden 325/3

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Hussey just fishes off Anderson, nicks it behind, nothing special, just another soft dismissal from Hussey.

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Alot of time and effort went into this, but why?

Freddie drops short and Ricky swivles on it giving out a roaohah type noise.

And the bouncer which Ponting hooks for six, off the top edge, was never in control of it, but it was a no ball, it only just cleared montybot who looked like a three year old jumping for a lolly.

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Nothing to report on.

318/2

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Jimmy walks past one in the field, and gives Ponting a village two.

Freddie and Hussey are pretty good mates so Freddie hits him on the head with a bouncer. Any batsman who takes his eye off the ball deserves to be hit on the head.

It goes for four, I hate that rule, how is ducking playing a shot, should be outlawed.

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Drinks.

What a blog post this one is.

Filler?

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Andy Sith, “excellent. if we can just get rid of mr cricket we’re into your tail.” I thought Hussey was our tail.

Jimmy hits Ricky on the pads, and they give a groan even though the ball would have missed an 8th stump.

Jimmy gets full to Hussey and he nicks it back on to his pads, JImmy was fantasising about that going back onto the stumps.

Hussey gets one on the pads and he tucks it for two to get off the mark.

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Probably a good thing Katich is out, my eyes were hurting.

Freddie to Ponting now. Hussey will have to wait.

To straight and Ponting helps that to fine leg to the rope.

Then he is straight and Ponting works him for two, this makes Freddie finally find a good line and he beats ponting.

306/2

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They keep showing Ponting’s coverdrive off Jimmy, i am wooding up.

Jimmy is bowling 4 outswingers, and two inswingers each over. Surely he should be working on the outswinger and use the inswinger as a surprise ball.

What a ball from Jimmy, the swinging yorker, and it looked plum as to me. Katich gone.

Hussey to come in, Australia’s secondary opener.

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Katich hits the ball in his old favourite area, through fourth slip. It rolls along the ground, Justin Langer would be proud.

Freddie hits Katich, who turns his back AB style. Then he walks back near the stumps and protects them from the imaginary ball he is looking for. The ball landed in front of him, but it was cool watching him look for it.

Average over from Freddie.

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Sky start the over with special wobbly over cam, please don’t do that again.

What are they doing, this weird shaky zoom thing is hurting my head.

Short ball from Jimmy Ponting slaps it one bounce to gully. It was only KP, so he was probably safe anyway.

Ponting goes fishing, and it hits the face of the bat and flies a metre or so from KP.

Jimmy has some words, good thinking, poke the bear.

294/1

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Freddie comes on and bowls to first slip, Prior does well to glove it.

The next one is a wide half volley, and Katich tries to slap it, he misses it and the crowd seem to rise as one.

Interesting over from Freddie, nothing really happened, but the crowd seemed to think it did.

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Jimmy is on.

New ball swings a bit.

Jimmy drops one short, Ricky swings it to backward square leg and Montybot seems to be in limbo and the ball flies close to him but then safely to the rope. Montybot looks confused.

The guy who holds the ball to the camera has a long nail on his ring finger that makes me ill.

New ball is flying off the bat here, Ponting cover drives one and beats the sweeper to the rope. It was so textbook the textbooks should be thrown out.

England need a wicket in the next 5 or Australia may cash in.

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Swannie bowls another full toss, yesterday he said it wasn’t usually a part of his game, is he going a little Bryce McGain.

Freddie chases it, and I swear I have seen puppets move more naturally.

Jimmy warming up, new ball will be taken as these two aren’t bowling that well.

Swann keeps bowling shite, half tracker to Katich and the Krab scuttles it to the rope.

End of the 80th….

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There are four catching men for Katich, positive thinking.

Katich tickles one to slip, but it drops a metre short. I think you’d have to really be going at one to edge it to slip on this wicket.

And Katich does really go at the next one and cover slaps it for four.

274/1

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Swannie is on now. Not quite sure I understand what is going on with this new ball, they have to take it, don’t they?

Starts with a full toss, Ponting helps him self to a straight four.

Swann spins one and it surprises everyone, Ponting was expecting a full toss.

People still cheer when montybot fields the ball, how often does he really fuck up, less than Yuvraj Singh i reckon.

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Can we trust Ian Botham says? He keeps talking about turn that I don’t see much of.

Ponting is pissed off by it and plays a back foot cover drive that I played in a dream one time. four.

200 run partnership but the welsh crowd seemed to miss it.There are lord’s members watching this on their TV machine who are tut tuting now.

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Ponting in good touch as he eases a on drive, for those who have never played on on drive and don’t know how hard it is, easing one is gold. Jimmy Anderson stops it for 3.

Will be interesting to see if Broad is given the new ball, due in 4 overs if you don’t count this over.

He will be well warmed up.

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Interesting that they are starting with montybot, Swann is their number one spinner, and Freddie their number one bowler.

These days Montybot is more of a number 2.

256/1

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Bit of a dead start, England starting with a man out at deep point, could be one of those days,

Actual runs in this over, Broad is getting some nice lift.

Katich drives one straight down the ground and Freddie runs after it like an old man chasing his dog, he almost kills himself as he jumps the fence.

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Montybot to Ponting.

Another maiden, no real spin, except from inside the comm box.

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Broad to Katich.

The thigh of Broad must be better today, yesterday he looked proppy, and he bowled dribble.

Broad bowls a corker, it explodes off the surface, but it is a mile outside off. He may have got more movement there than Monty ad Swannie combined.

Maiden.

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Jerusalem is being sung again, it is the mormon song of England, if you get that well done, if not I won’t explain it.

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Join me for the first session from 11 Welsh time.

Should be the best day ever*.

Here are some questions for you to mull over before the start of play.

If your child batted like Simon Katich would you put him down?

What percentage of Andrew Flintoff is still flesh and bone?

If Graeme Swann underperforms today what will the press say?

Is it possible that Mike Hussey will break his foot from nervous toe tapping if this partnership goes for another session?