cricket with balls

Occasionally at the balls we get given a post written by cricketers or officials. We posted a few of them a while back under the name of the omitted. Since then we have received heaps more, but in general they are either something that will get us sued, or weird. But of recent times we have have received one, and as it appears to be a letter, we thought it would be rude not to share it with Mr Waugh. Obviously, we will never reveal the name of the person who wrote this.

Dear Mark Waugh,

Please stop all this Steve Smith dribble.

Yes, the boy has some ability.

Yes, he has cleared the boundary in a few big bash and One day games.

Yes, he turns his leg break and warney reckons he ok.

Yes, he looks like the retarded 12 year old love child of a seminal mix from Cameron “downsyndrome” White and his fat NSW team mate with the same surname.

Yes, he has only taken 11 wickets at 75 and made 1 hundred in first class cricket… oh, whoops… not sure if you knew that one. You tool.

But I do see some reasoning behind your push to see this pubescent Sydney-sider in a baggy green. There is after all only 6 blue-baggers in the current Australian test side, 7 if you count Ponting, which you should because his wife refuses to grant him permission to visit the Apple isle for anything paying less than a test match.

This number of players from New South Wales is clearly nowhere near enough, is it, Mark. As we all know the blues have been the benchmark of the competition for the last few years. Get some more of them in there please Andrew Hilditch. Oh… that’s right, you’ve tried to. Lets revisit a few of these:

Phil Hughes – Fair enough the kid can play, but it is a statistical fact that he has never scored a run on the leg side. EVER! Its true. Look it up. He also still has stains in his dacks form the last bloke who decided to bump him at more than 140km/h.

Phil Jaques – Scored a few runs at test level, and probably deserves another crack, but no one wants to watch the fucker bat. He is uglier than Kim Clijsters. And he throws like a 60-year-old woman.

Beau Casson – good tour of the west indies but seems to have forgotten how to bowl. Did do himself the honour of no-balling himself out of the game by bowling too many full bungers on one occasion though.

Burt Cockley – Please… even Big burt was offended with his call-up. Bowls a mean half-volley.

So Junior, please do us a favour and stop pumping up yet another NSW player. In-fact, you could go one step further, and after brushing, rinse your mouth out with undiluted Sulfuric acid. This will help to endear you to the thousands of viewers that have had the displeasure of hearing your dribble.

You are in fact a cunt.

Even your butt-ugly 65 year-old missus dumped you.

Yours truly

The Omitted

Something odd is going on with the Australian cricket team.

They keep trying to play Victorians in the national side.

Not content with Hodge, McGain, Nannes, Harwood, McDonald, White, Hussey, Holland and Quiney (the last two in squads), they have now picked Crazy Clint McKay as their replacement for Hopes and or Lee.

That is how good they think McKay in, he is relacing Australia’s best white ball bowler and their dependable all round tradesman.

They could have sent over Dirty Dirk Nannes and the all round dynamo of Dan Christian if they were trying to actually match the skills, instead they have decided that Clint has all the skills they need.

This isn’t exactly true, Moises was already sent over, even before anyone had been sent home, because of his stellar form for the KKR. So Clint is really just cover for Lee, and he won’t play unless Hilfy and Douggie get injured.

The major scandal is that there was another NSWales players that could have been picked.

Mitchell Starc.

Starc has played one first class and one list A game for New South Wales. He is 19 and took two wickets against the Warriors.

Surely that makes him overqualified for the Australian team.

It is a risky decision for an Australian selector to pick a Victorian over a NSWelshman, especially one as experienced as Starc is.

You could even say there were other NSWales bowlers who could have been picked, the Kings XI Punjab’s Burt Cockley took 4 wickets in a game of cricket the other day, surely that should have gotten him a ticket.

Other players that could have been picked before McKay include: Matthew Nicholson, Brad McNamara and Stuart Clark.

You could say that NSWales won the latest Lalit soiree.

I say Brett Lee did.

That way I have to give NSWales no credit.

Well played, Brett.

Time for my state cricket round up.

This may be the last year I can do one with any authority,

We’ll start wit the reigning champs.

NSWales, the speedblitz blues

Players that won’t be available for large parts of the season.

Bollinger, Bracken, Clark, Clarke, Haddin, Jacques, Katich, and Lee.

That is a fair list, and looking at the “a” team, there are a bunch more in the wings.

What have they got left, youth, youth, and yup, youth.

Last year I though there youth was ordinary and wouldn’t make much of a splash, they did, bastards.

The Reigning Shield Champions seem to have an uphill battle to do the same.

This year they will need that youth to kick on either further as Haddin, Katich and Bollinger will be available far less.

Leadership

Katich is a huge loss, not just for batting, but he was the steel, but the captaincy, when you have a young team you need a captain who can bring them together, but he will be there and thereabouts for Australia, and may miss large portions of the season.

Whoever has the captaincy for the games Katich is not available will be the key, I would say they would go with Thornely, Daniel Smith, Mail or Ed Cowan.

Bowling

With their top 4 bowlers all busy, Cameron and Henriques will have to take a lot of wickets.

Henriques is the highest rated young player since Michael Clarke, but so far he hasn’t done much other than look impressive.

Beau Casson will be trying to prove he is the number one spinner in Australia, which he isn’t, but with this bowling attack, he should get a lot of overs.

Batting

Hard to see where the runs are coming from. Mail, Cowan and Thornley are experienced, but none of these players are top flight state batsmen.

The class would appear to come from Hughes and Khawaja. Neither have the experience, but they do look like the way forward.

Khawaja will also provide Australian writers the opportunity to call him wristy which is nice.

Henriques, Casson and Steve Smith are all supposed to be all rounders, and they will have to make a few runs between them.

Long in the tooth

The Mail Man may be paying his last season. Should get a game for the first half of the year, but when the young bucks start circling, he is the one Matthew Nicholson and the other selectors may get rid of. Although Nicholson probably thinks 30 is young.

Ready to shed the nappies

Steven Smith is the highest rated youngster since Moises Henriques, sorry couldn’t help myself. Played in a few 2020 games last year and tripped over wickets with his leg spin. He may be the Cameron White, Cameron White never proved to be, a genuine top six batsman who can bowl.

Nostradamus

Shield

3rd to 4th.

One dayers

2nd to 3rd.

2020

Last, they never take this shit seriously.

The rub

They is young, and held in high regard, but can they play?

The Ryan Gosling side

There is just no logical out come in which Victoria will beat NSWales.

Batting, bowling & Keeping are all stacked well and truly in their favour.

Victoria only leads them in fielding and coaching.

Important areas, but perhaps less so that the other 3.

But let me grasp at one straw, just so that I have enough motivation to actually watch the game.

A champion team, can beat a team of champions.

We have seen it before.

Ofcourse Victoria are not really as champion team, but they are a bloody good team, and NSWales can’t really be a team, because they just don’t get to play together.

Read full post here.