cricket with balls

Picking John Howard for the top ICC job is genius.

You might not think that would be my opening line, but think about it, the Australians have picked the one man who is way more of a cunt than Lalit Modi.

Just finding that person is hard, but then convincing him to take the job takes a special effort.

To be a cricket administrator these days you need to be either dictated to by big business, adept of strangling people with red tape or just evil. The ICC should be ecstatic they have found a man who excels on all fronts.

I can’t think of a more devious flawed con-artist to take the job, but being that the president of the ICC has as much power as the person who runs your local Video store, this is a perfect job for John Howard.

Not that he won’t try and get his hands dirty.

Any of the possible outcomes are possible:

Howard takes over the ICC and sees that the BCCI is the one true power and thusly shoves his nose up their ass and becomes their puppet. He justifies this by saying “while cricket fans may think I am making the wrong decision, as far as the economic situation dictates at this present time there is simply no other option for myself on behalf of the International Cricket Council and that I now feel like I have solidified a strong strategic allegiance with the Board of Cricket Control in India. I am sure that when they sit down to meet they will take the best interests of the world wide game into their minds before they make any decisions based on what suits their own interests best.”

Howard decides that the IPL is the enemy and that it must be broken down so it does not massively destruct the game of cricket. He plans to attack the league on many fronts to divide and conquer, he even declares victory, but it is obvious that he has no real idea what he is talking about and the IPl continues to flourish. Lalit Modi does get fired as the commissioner and Howard then claims that it was his plan all along to make Lalit step down and he thinks that in this current state the IPL is a good for cricket.

Howard declares that Pakistan shall be kicked out of cricket. At first he declines to give reasons, but when asked, the ICC, on his behalf, claim that the whole Pakistani team is involved in match fixing. The media goes into a frenzy, some stating that Howard did the right thing, others staring at the flimsy evidence that is put forward by the ICC. Shortly after an ICC employee admits to faking the evidence and the ICC hires a new PR team.

On Howard’s first trip to Sri Lanka he has to give a speech to their cricket board and interested parties about his previous calls that he believes Murali is a chucker. The speech goes well with Howard humbly apologising, making jokes at his expense and admitting that he was not fully informed at the time of the comment. Most Sri Lankans take it well but Arjuna Ranatunga refuses to accept the apology and drills many hard hitting questions at Mr Howard which makes him sweat in the warm climate and he loosens his shirt collar only for a bullet proof vest to be visible underneath. This does not please the Sri Lankans much.

Howard stops wearing green tracksuits and starts wearing ICC issue pyjamas everywhere he goes.

Nothing changes because the position of the ICC president is the most unpowerful seat in cricket; even the gate attendant at McLean Park in Napier has more.

I didn’t live blog the last Dirk over, as I was tweeting at the time.

Here is the tweets.

Could this come down to Dirty Dirk Vs Albie the racist dragon?

Morkel at the non strikers, the tail is in, 15 off 6, Dirk to bowl

weird swipe, gets 2, lukcy to not hole out or go for 4

another 2, nice swipe again

great yorker, straight to warner, run out, albie on strike 11 from 3 come on dirk you magnificent bastard

Best game of the IPL so far

great ball big man, another yorker another run out, albie is still there

11 off 2, come on dirk

YOu did it dirk, you hairy mother fucker, well done, Australia couldbn’t beat Albie, but dirk does, stick that up your ass hilditch

Murali swings like only he can, Dirk beats him, this was Dirk’s win, where are the naysayers now.

Which means he has it, but doesn’t really own it.

Wasim Akram is still warming the chair with him. 

Ok I should be honest, I don’t really care about Murali’s record, just wanted an opening to mention this. 

116 off 90 balls.

Everyone should bow down before Sehwag. 

Heretics and non believers get on your knees,  GOD has spopken today. 

Sehwagoloy is more important than wicket tallies. 

If you had taken the double of the West Indies into South Africa in the most recently completed Test matches, you would be sitting on a pretty handy collect, even on a minimum outlay. For the non punters out there it was, a flat out, rough result.

Credit must go to the resolve of the West Indies, particularly the tough mainstays, Ramneresh Sarwan and Shivnarine Chanderpaul. In what appeared a very tense and evenly poised match up from the highlights, the West Indies held firm to secure a long awaited victory on home soil. Although the match didn’t reach any stunning heights skill wise, it was a reminder to use all how exciting Test cricket is. As Rome wasn’t built in a day, neither are Tests won in a similiar period of time, between two evenly matched sides, such as these.

Sarwan broke through for a well deserved hundred to lead the Windies to victory against a strong bowling line up which obviously includes Murali and the rejuvinated Chamnida Vaas, who kept them in the game almost single handly with both bat and ball. Vaas set up the chase with a 50 to recover the Lankans second innings from the very dicey realms of 6/99.

After a shaky start Sarwan and Chanderpaul, held their nerve to lead the West Indies to a confidence building win……………..

Sarwan may be on the cusp of delivering on the potential, he has displayed glimpses of for so long……with the Aussies on the horizon.

The dead rubber between Australia and Sri Lanka at the MCG has inspired me to return to the ‘Cricket With Balls’ blogging crease once again.

Adam Gilchrist’s never ending national retirement tour hogged the headlines with his final appearance at the hallowed MCG. Gilchrist didn’t fail to let down his legion of fans with a typical commanding display, which should have been match winning. He may have put aside team goals in pursuit of an Australian record for the fastest century? You be the judge?

The wicket of Hopes with the score at 107 triggered a spectacular, quite unbelievable collapse resulting in the lose of 5 wickets for 8 runs as the Sri Lankans rallied for two living legends of their own in Sanath Jayasuriya and Murali. The Aussies never recovered despite the determined effort of the lastest Allan Border medallist, Brett Lee. Murali bowled an inspired second spell following an earlier pasting from Gilchrist.

Clearly the highlight of the game came in the 49th over when Jayasuriya was thrown the ball for his first over of the innings, with Australia needing 14. Jayasuriya delivered one of his trademark darts, a little shorter than usual, that crashed into Lee’s stumps to deliver Sri Lanka with a shock come from behind win and crown his final visit to these shores. A mighty cricketing moment indeed.

Earlier, in great scenes of sportsmanship and respect, both sides formed guards of honor for each of the above mentioned players when they came out to bat. Jayasuriya and Murali have been pivotal in shaping the success of Sri Lankan cricket from minnow status to forces in both forms of the game with the obvious career highlight being the 1996 World Cup victory. Both players have changed the game forever with their individual styles of play and have raised the bar of performance to another level.

As for Gilly and the forgetten Brad Hogg, they will have another chance to leave the game on a high with the One Day series finals beginning on Sunday. Hopefully, they can both contribute to Australia going one better than they did tonight, against the Indians