cricket with balls

1o runs off 5 balls.

India had dug their own grave.

England destroyer Jerome Taylor coming in.

Dhoni hits him for six, and almost yawns.

Then he waddles a 2, takes a single, and has a nap at the non strikers as Yusuf wins the game.

It should have been an exciting match, but with dhoni there it seemed like a sunday stroll to get an ice cream.

This is such a stupid fucking series though.

It took Dhoni’s waddle to victory to get me to speak about it.

India lost a twenty20 game; it seems news worthy as it doesn’t seem to happen a lot.

There are probably a few reasons for the loss; the fact that India have played two opponents that required of them only their presence.

Finally they get to the real part of the tournament and they play a team that has had to fight just to stay in it.

The bigger reason seems to be that Dhoni had a shocker.

I’m a fan of his captaincy, and his waddle, but India losing seemed to be directly related to his batting position and they way he batted.

Dhoni coming it at 5 was my favourite bit.

When it is 1/59 in 7 overs against Bangladesh, and Dhoni comes in at 3.

Also at 1/77 against Ireland he is happy to waddle himself to the middle.

But at 1/12 against the Windies, he is nowhere to be seen.

HE didn’t come in until there were 3 wickets down, little Raina was sent in at number 3 for the first time in the tournament.

In the IPL I noticed that he comes in when things are going good, or when winning runs are there to be hit.

Something to keep an eye on.

Ofcourse when Dhoni got in, he did sweet fuck all, 11 off 23, so maybe he still went in too early.

This is all good ofcourse, as it gives the India media a real reason to bag Dhoni, not a manufactured one.

India are one loss away from being out of the tournament.

What a wonerfully well organised tournament this is.

The buffed up male models

Porn star: MS Dhoni

Most IPL fans probably only know MS Dhoni is in the team, everyone else is irrelevant. The most in form one-day batsman on the planet, and will want this title. Is the main man in this team in every way, and will get the press whether he performs or not.

Pole dancer: Suresh Raina

Was in devastating form last season, and now has more experience at the top level. There is nothing of him, but he still hits the ball very hard. Every chance he will take the IPL apart this year.

Boy next door: Napoleon Einstein

May not even play but is a cult figure already.

Model: Freddie Flintoff

Very well suited to playing 2020 cricket, but is recovering from injury, with an eye on the ashes, and around for about a fortnight, Hardly worth it. Might sell some shirts back home.

Home Made/Amateur: MS Gony.

Hard working quick, can really bowl and has a great back-story.

Sportsfreak takes a look through the series.

So the Indians will be boarding their jumbo about now, and for the final piece of excitement will be undergoing a take-off into a Wellington gale. Their fans will be cleaning their whiteboards in preparation for more normal use, and the rest of us look back on our brief time in the same playground as the big boys.

Obviously, there was going to be a lot of hype surrounding this tour; after all the test batting line-up boasted something like 107 test centuries before the series started, and constantly added to that over the last 3 weeks.

And we got to see first hand the likes of Tendulkar and Dravid for the last time, and Dhoni and Ishant for the first time, and were able to notice the difference in attitude and swagger between the two.

So we look at some of the theories that were floated before and during the series and see if they are fact or some hybrid of Indian Myth and Lord of the Rings special effects.

Tests in NZ in April do not work
Myth actually.

People will point to the fact that the April test ended with rain, but that only kicked in with 3 hours left in the match; that’s not bad for New Zealand. April, comparatively, is reasonably reliable.

And the tests were certainly less affected than the ODIs in February/ March.

Light was clearly an issue after the daylight saving change, but that was more of a management issue.

Dhoni is an attacking captain
Well some of his bowling changes are inspirational, and no more so than bringing Tendulkar on during the last day at the Basin.

But that declaration in the same test can always be held up as the perfect example that he can be as cautious as a shell-shocked Ponting.

He lets Harbhajan talk him into defensive field placings too.

Ryder is too fat for test cricket
Ha ha. Myth. A big fat myth too Adam.

He does have a weakness against top quality spin early on, but he’ll sort that out soon.

Yuvraj is rubbish outside of the Sub-continent
Absolute fact.

He was miserable here, apart from a couple of meagre cameos with the pressure off.

And remember this was on placid pitches against an ordinary attack.

Ishant Sharma is the Real Deal and the Final Product
Not yet he’s not. Despite what last year promised.

He had one good spell in Hamilton, and then roughed up Vettori at the Basin.

But in between times he looked more sulky than anything else. He perfected the act of hiding in the outfield in Napier when things got tricky, and he certainly didn’t seem to take to the Wellington wind.

Totally outplayed by the underrated Zaheer all series.

McCullum isn’t the batsman he was a year ago
Myth.

That was probably his most consistent series as a test batsman. A shocking dismissal in the first innings in Hamilton was followed by composed knocks afterwards. His maturity in batting with O’Brien in the second innings of that match was class, and he held his head well in Napier.

At the Basin he got stuck with O’Brien again, and was sawn off in the second innings. Will probably be tried at #6 in the near future, which is about the only spot in the order where he has not been used yet.

Superb keeping too.

Taylor needs time to adjust from ODIs to tests.
Fact. Fact. Fact. Contrast the push across the line on the first morning in Hamilton with the 2nd innings resistance at the Basin.

Imagine what he could do in a 5 test series.

Harbhajan is a wind-up artist
True. And a very good one at that.

He didn’t get under the skin of the New Zealanders like he did with the Australians last year, but he sure wound the commentators up.

Note how he does well in the questionable umpiring decision stakes too. Not a coincidence.

Sehwag plays all forms of the game in exactly the same way
Myth. He bats for longer in T20s and ODIs.

Vettori is not the test bowler he used to be
Fact. And a pretty old fact at that.

If you want proof, get a video of him bowling on the 4th morning in the Basin, and then watch Tendulkar bowl 24 hours later.

It’s toe-curling stuff, and it’s even worse to hear certain radio commentators air the myth that he is a world-class spinner.

The World will miss Tendulkar
Fact.

Sad but true.

“Me playing or not playing, the team is not too bothered about it, it doesn’t have a big impact on the team.”

MS Dhoni

You have to admire the humble nature of the man.

If I was Dhoni my statement would be, “Sehwag, Sachin and VVS are rubbish without me, India you better bow the fuck down everytime you see me”.

Unlike my statement, Dhoni’s is rubbish.

India are flaccid without him.

Lost to Sri Lanka when he was ‘resting’.

Couldn’t beat Australia when he didn’t captain.

And now have drawn against New Zealand after smashing them the game before.

He is more than one man, he is the winning mojo.

Look at yesterday’s cricket, or any available scorecard.

He came in at 5 for 180, and made a 50, got the momentum back, and put India into a handy poisiton.

It’s not a great position, but without him it it would be alot uglier.

The kiwis should be happy that this looks like it might be a result test.

Although with Dhoni around, perhaps not the result they wanted.