cricket with balls

Usman Khawaja, the stylishly dogged Hashim Amla wannabe from NSWales, has been selected for the New Australia A squad to take on Sri Lanka A.

I know this because of all the information on the Australia A squad I have heard is about his inclusion. Which means that John Wayne Hastings and Ben Cutting’s ridiculous omissions have gone without comment.

According to reports Usman is vying with a spot as back up top order batsman with George Bailey and Michael Klinger.

If Khawaja were to play for Australia he would be the first Asian born player since Dav Whatmore to play for Australia.

That is pretty cool.

But it isn’t just Khawaja, Bailey and Klinger who are in the running for the spot, the second leading run scorer in last year’s shield, Smooth Eddie Cowan, is also in contention.

Well he better be.

Because he is one of us. And there are very few of us represented at international level.

I mean someone who gets a joke, can be a cynical fucker, reads things that don’t have pictures in them and can form an opinion without a focus group meeting held by Cricket Australia.

Sure Ed is more talented than us, fitter than us and he knows the cock size of several international cricketers, but he is certainly one of the 5% of fucked up weird shit that congregates here, and for that alone he deserves out support.

Usman has the romantic side, so the press will push him, plus he plays for NSWales, George Bailey will be the first new Tasmanian test batsmen since David Boon (pause for laugh) so the Tassie press are on his side, and Michael Klinger has the entire Jewish Mafia and World media helping him out (I read that on a white power site so it must be true).

Smooth Eddie just has us.

A bunch of angry cricket sadists who want just one representative that we can support.

It is sad for him that it is just us he has, but we should put our support behind him.

He isn’t some bum of the month, once he got away from the claws of NSWales he has become a proper batsmen like batsmen, just one that you can talk to about books and Canadian Indie Folk acts.  I couldn’t possibly list all the reasons I think you’d like him, but at least one would have to be his curly hair.

I’ve been the sole voice on the campaign for Smooth Eddie up until now, but I think all of you should get behind him as well.

Just to make sure you all known how much I am willing to get behind him I am going to give him a seal of approval that only 2 have received before.

Arise, Cricket With Balls’ Own Smooth Eddie Cowan.

Batting average of 51 this year.

Bowling average of 22 in his career.

3^rd leading wicket taker in shield cricket this year.

Can legitimately claim he is from NSWales.

Built like Jesse Ventura’s brick shithouse.

Is called the duke.

He is no Steven Seagal, but other than that what’s not to like?

Where is the hype though? Do I have to everything myself.

Surely Hastings has done enough this year to get a few people singing from his hymn sheet.

I saw him play a couple of 2020 games a few years back and I thought he looked like a player, I didn’t really expect a season like this.

So I am starting the hype, the boy can play, his stats are pretty, and if he keeps taking wickets he should be pressing for a spot in some team in the future.

Although he still couldn’t get Smooth Eddie Cowan out, but few can, as he is still the leading shield run scorer of the year.

With Ricky Ponting possibly missing the boxing day test, Australia need a replacement.

A few names have been chucked around.

George Bailey. Smiles alot, finally having his break out season.

Shaun Marsh. Used to drink alot, finally making regular runs this season.

Michael Klinger. Makes alot of runs, usually by putting attacks to sleep.

Phil Hughes. Made a hundred recently, against an attack with Andrew McDonald opening the bowling.

Any random NSWales player. Due a cap, Usman to debut against Pakistanis could be tough.

Mark Cosgrove. Is making lots of runs, is eating lots of pizzas.

Mitchell Marsh. Is the talk of the town, has made no FC hundreds.

Adam Voges.  Has no weddings planned, is missing a few runs.

David Hussey. Imagine that, no I can’t.

I am sure all of these players will get someone tooting their horn if Ponting’s arm doesn’t come good.

But fuck them all (sorry FPM).

I think Australia should go in a completely different direction altogether.

They need a cricketer who doesn’t take himself too seriously, one who has made over 500 runs in 6 games this year, one without corporate ambitions, and one who likes You Am I.

The choice is simple.

Smooth Eddie Cowan.

He is now officially sanctioned by cricket with balls.

Mr Hilditch, you may select him, smooth Eddie for Boxing day.

And he isn’t even Victorian.

The ashes book.

Rahul Dravid was so happy with my piece on him for cricinfo he cashed in again today.

Stuart Clark was so unhappy that i said his career was over on TWC, he has been telling everyone it isn’t since.

And in more important news, I am thinking of changing how I bowl legspin.

Oh, and while I am writing this link heavy post I might as well congratulate Tasmania’s Smooth Eddie Cowan for this double hundred today. Clearly he was inspired by Sehwag, even if he didn’t know it.