cricket with balls

Want to listen to Jason “Dizzy” Gillespie and Cricket With Balls Code of Conduct XI member Lawrie Colliver talk about the Ashes, what a stupid question, ofcourse you do.

Tonight at Temple Place Walkabout from 7pm you can.

It is 10 quid to get in, and drink specials all night. Hopefully by drink specials they don’t mean snake bites.

Kill him.

Right now, before he entraps younglings.

So kill him.

Before his kind of vermin take over the world.

He should be caught, hung, and then have his body burnt, just to be safe.

It is that simple.

Why is he a terrorist, well he plays in the ICL.

And that is a unacceptable.

It is the biggest crime you can do in cricket.

Take drugs, it’s ok, take money to throw your innings, never mind, be a South Africa, oh go one then.

But the ICL, that is way worse.

It’s like being a Nazi Scientologist who is a member of NAMBLA.

So Staurt Law must be taken out.

His kids should also be murdered for his crimes.

You know, so that future generations don’t grow up to be ICL players.

Law is the latest player to get fucked over for having the stain of ICL on his shirt collar.

He had the audacity to be almost be a batting coach of Australian juniors while still playing in the ICL.

Dizzy Gillespie had the same thought processes, the swine.

Not that long ago it was reported that an Indian ICL player was escorted from his old cricket club, couldn’t have him mixing with clean living cricketers.

OK it’s an unauthorised competition, we get it.

We really do, we understand why the IPL people might be pissed with it.

But is any of this working?

People are still playing in it, it’s still mildly successful, and no amount of harsh treatment seems to be stopping that.

What it is doing, is stopping Dizzy Gillespie helping out Australia’s young bowlers, and Stuart Law helping out the young batsmen.

And if they are really going to fuck over people involved with the ICL, why is Tony Greig allowed to watch, commentate, shit over, and come in any contact with authorised cricket?

I think Ishant Sharma is the most exciting young bowling prospect since Waqar Younis, assuming Waqar Younis was ever young.

But he is Indian, and a real fast bowler, so you would have to assume that somewhere along the line he will fade away or lose form.

Let’s look at the potential ways.

His adam’s apple is actually an alien, sent from the planet klaatu, and is intent on killing us all.
Some Bollywood producer (aka India mafia dude) gets him a gig on the Indian remake of irreversible starring Aishwarya Rai, but he takes his scene too far and accidentally slams her head into the subway wall killing her instantly and is lynched by horny teens every where.

He listens to Navjot Sidhu and Bishen Bedi for 20 minutes and his head explodes.

He gets caught in a lift with Sunil Gavaskar whom rages about how all Australian’s are @ssholes for 2 minutes and his adam’s apple inverts and chokes him from within.

He gets given an English passport.

Playgirl magazine offer him a billion dollars to do a naked centrefold. Indian’s are outraged, as his Adam’s apple is air brushed out.

Tania Zaetta meets him in a bar, and they have a torrid lust affair in which Ishant falls madly in love with her and follows her to Sydney and lives out his days as Mr Zaetta.

He shaves for the first time, but being that he is so awkward he accidentally cuts his own throat and kills himself.

Inspired by his love of Jason Gillespie he grows a ponytail and starts breaking down.

Bored with cricket, women and millions of dollars he starts practicing Auto Erotic Asphyxiation. His first time ends in heart break (insert Adam’s apple joke here).

He remembers he is Indian and starts bowling left arm orthodox or straight breaks.

The Indian government give him Bangladesh as payment for being so good, which starts a war with Pakistan, which results on America bombing the whole region, Ishant dies whilst tying to save a whole village of cricket academy students whose rich parents couldn’t make it in time.

Me and Andre take over the world and we abduct him from India and make him play for Jrodre, the new world super power.

Pakistan get bored and fire nuclear missiles at India, thus ending his career, and the lives of countless others. Sunil Gavaskar survives.

He is raped and killed by a pack of super monkey’s who are trained and controlled by Navjot Sidhu.

Everyone in India tells him he is gods gift to fast bowling until he becomes Shoaib Ahktar.

He joins the circus.

For some reason I liked Dizzy Gillespie from the get go.

It might have been cause he was really fast, really young and fast, really young, or cause he had a pony tail, who can tell.

As the years went on he gave people a lot to like about him.

He wasn’t just an aboriginal, he was a fast bowling snarling aboriginal player.

Fu©k load of wickets never hurt.

The amount of effort that went into every ball, some times at delivery it looked like he was giving birth to twins.

His batting, which resembled a father protecting his hot daughter’s virginity.

His bowling, especially his bowling faces. The angry one he pulled on the way to the wicket that said, if there was a wicket inside my dog, I would gut him with a spoon to get it out.

Then on the way back from the crease, he was the most relaxed guy, laughing and smiling.

He had an off cutter than could cut you to pieces and he one rode his bat like Happy Gilmore.

Plus he brought back the mullet.

Nuff said.

The first part of his career was severely injury prone, think Shane Watson, but talented.

And for years every time he went back to his mark he would stretch and I would fear the worst. I was like an over bearing mother.

After all the first aid trips he lost a bit of pace, I blame the face plant with Steve Waugh for that.

Then he became reliable body wise, he was like a warrior in a war film, held together with bandages, but still seemed to get the job done.

After the pace left, the accuracy took over, his line and length was fuller and straighter than McGrath.

I still think if they kept a record of how many catches were dropped per bowler per match he’d be high up on that list.

The amount of times he would get an opening batsmen dropped at slip, only for McGrath to clean up at the other end was extraordinary.

For a while there he was Australia’s best bowler.

To be Australia’s best bowler at any time is pretty good, but to do so when Warne & McGrath are in the side is pretty damn special.

Then Dizzy went a little Ian Baker Finch, he seemed to completely lose is ability to move the ball, bowl a good length and miss placed a yard of pace.

This ended with him sitting out the 2005 ashes.

It would have been an ugly way to go, but the selectors picked him as a batsman and let him smack the kittens around for a test double ton.

Then he was shipped back to South Australia.

His file was stamped, in case of emergency. That emergency being if Brett lee and Stuart Clark died, or got caught in kiddie porn ring.

It didn’t happen.

So now at the age of 32 (I didn’t check it but it seems right) Dizzy has decided to get some superannuation in the ICL.

According to the very well paid Cricket Australia Administracrats, this means he can no longer ply his trade at radelaide Oval.

This is a shame, because the man still gives

Dizzy you will be remembered, as a gun opening bowler, as a brick wall, and as one hell of a mulletteer.

Enjoy the coinage.

Jason Dizzy Gillespie was assaulted outside a night club in Traralgon.

I think there is a lesson in this for everyone, don’t go to Traralgon.

Oh and he’s ok.

He is still no closer to playing for Australia though and probably has a sore head.

Pretty sure he won’t pull a Vermuelen at the Adelaide oval on his return.

Although it would be nice if he takes an axe to the flat deck at Adelaide when he gets home.