cricket with balls

First class cricket is pretty cool.

It is way better than manga or trip hop.

But it isn’t for everyone.

Dirk Nannes has stated to this very website that his favourite form of cricket is 2020.

To most people that is sacrilegious.

Dirk is not most people.

As far as cricketers go he is the Kakihara of the modern game, cool, unusual and must watch.

He does things differently, is different and goes about life in his own way.

So when he says he is quitting first class cricket on the eve of a second straight shield final, you shouldn’t be surprised.

Dirk’s record in first class cricket is pretty good, an average of 25. So it isn’t like he is shit at it.

However, this year he has played one game of first class cricket.

In his short time he has never played a full season.

I’m not even sure he could make it through more than 3 full games in a row anymore.

And why would he put his body through this?

There is more chance of you walking in on Sarah Palin naked then Dirk playing test cricket, so why would he put himself through it?

As a Victorian fan I am disappointed, but if it means he will continue to play cricket at the top level for Australia, Delhi, Notts and Victoria I can’t really complain too much.

He will still remain the 2020 bone crusher, and that is what he does best.

Due to work on my flat I was up early enough to see the Australia v Pakistan 2020 game.

I would never usually get up before 10 for limited overs, I’m not an animal.

This time I’m glad I did.

Not only did I hear James Brayshaw, aka JB, call Dirk, Dirty Dirk, I also saw Dirk bowl the senond last over for 2 runs and take a wicket.

I think that gave me an emotional orgasm.

I was pushing the Dirk bandwagon when there was no bandwagon, so to see him today, hirsute and magnificent, was almost too much to handle.

This bearded man is a marvel, and were it physically possible I would offer to have his babies.

Even in his interview he made me proud, while Healy was asking his usual sports science questions, Dirk just said I just bowled short and then at the stumps.

This is our cricket Renaissance man, and to see him finally end up where he belongs makes me so very fucken happy.

Well played my friend, well played.

Victoria are the champions of the Racist Chicken Franchise’s bash, for the 4th time out of 5.

They won the final without their captain, import, best 2020 player or CWB’s Nice Bryce McGain.

They did have the raw beastly power of Dirty Dirk Nannes, a man cricket with balls was talking up when people thought he was a mythical beast of my creation.

Nothing mythical about him now, the dude has travelled the world kicking ass, taking names and bearding all over batsmen.

The Australian selectors still want to distance themselves from him most of the time, and I understand that, his masculinity scares them.

But in this final he picked South Australia up like a rag doll.

8 runs in 4 overs.

Nasty.

There was also the wicket of their courageous leader, 8 runs in 4 overs, that is like scary good.

That is like finding out William Shatner is your dad good.

Dirty Dirk was beating South Australia with essentially one little finger (like you know who) so he even threw in a wide, just for giggles.

Now Victoria is once again of the hirsute one’s shoulders.

I haven’t seen a ball of it, but I know how it all went down.

Dirk entered the ground with his top off and the live version of Blind by Korn pumping.

Women fainted, men fainted, aliens fainted.

The crowd then regained consciousness and got in a collective group hug waiting for Dirk to end their dreams, and their children’s dreamds, and their children’s children’s ….

Dirk stood at the top of his mark and breathed fire, literally, for 2 minutes straight before coming in and bowling thunderbolts, literally.

The crowd was heartbroken, and yet aroused.

Any moment of the game that Dirk wasn’t playing was like watching a friend play a cricket computer game, against the computer.

Then, Dirty Dirk Nannes prevails.

The world can then settle down again knowing that there is a force far greater than them out there, it makes them feel insignificant and content at the same time.

If you are one of those people that think 2020 cricket isn’t real cricket, or that this is a passing fad, let me say this, who gives a fuck, the Vics keep winning at it.

Bring on India so the Vics can lose form for the champion’s league again.

Viva La Dirty Dirk!

Buy the book, get a t-shirt, or donate to the whisky fund.

It has been a few days since I heard about Dirk’s decision to choose Delhi over Victoria.

And it still hurts.

I understand why he did it, I also know it was not a decision that was easy for him and that it wasn’t a decision one that he made lightly.

But it still hurts.

Cricketers are sort of like non-cricketers; some times they do things for their families.

Dirk is in his 30s, has only just made the big time, has not been groomed from his teens by the Vics, and is not your typical cricketer.

That is why I like him.

But that is also why he might not decide to play for Victoria like some automatically would.

Victoria is the team who gave him a chance, but he was running in and bowling fast well before they sorted out what he was doing.

He was picked to win them games; they didn’t groom him since he was a teen to make it to the top level.

He isn’t less of a Victorian cricketer than Brad Hodge or Cameron White, but he doesn’t have the child/father bond with them the way these boys do.

This all means I understand why he did what he did.

It doesn’t mean I like it.

I fucken hate it.

Victoria still has a top class bowling attack without him, but he is the nipple.

I wrote once that I thought that Dirk would pick Delhi over Victoria, but when it finally happened it still hurts.

My lady decided that since we only had two days for a honeymoon we should travel up to Manchester to see dirty dirk nannes play agaisnt the poms.

It was a sound idea, and even though public transport was down and we had to drive there we decided to go ahead with it anyway.

We got tickets in the dirty dirk section.

It all started well, it took barely more than 4 hours to get there.

Then after being told we could not check in at our hotel we made our way down to the ground.

Dirk warmed up like a Greek god before creating an ocean, exactly.

The whole crowd could look nowhere else.

It was all fine until Michael Clarke started crapping all over dirk’s day.

It was as if his innings was the very definition of human excrement.

Luckily another Victorian stepped up and saved the innings so that the game and my honeymoon.

Dirk was super ready to destroy England, but the aliens intervened.

They decided that Dirk didn’t need me to watch him.

So I was sent home by the rain.

Only after i took a sensational one handed catch off a cocky 4 year old.

A successful honeymoon I’m sure you’d agree.