cricket with balls

Controversy has hit the Champion’s league with the IPL franchises from Bangalore and Delhi deciding to pull out of the competition.

The organisers of the tournament are in shock, and have started making calls to other non Pakistani 2020 domestic teams to see if they can fill in.

The move comes after a contract dispute between the Champion’s League and the IPL teams.  Originally the teams were promised that they would be the best sides in the competition. It became clear to Delhi and Bangalore in their first games that this was not the case.

They shared their reservations with Lalit Modi and other key members of the organising committee on Friday night, but it appears that the talks broke down almost before they started.

Amongst the revelations is that both sides believe they were guaranteed semi final places by key officials, but there is no paperwork that backs up this claim.

There is no word yet on what Deccan will do, they are still yet to play their first game, but as some of their players were overheard saying they considered their first game a bye, you would assume they are still happy to go ahead in the tournament.

This is a blow for the tournament that is still reeling from the fact that Shaggy was the best artist they could get for the opening ceremony. With reports coming in that the crowd for the first game that had no Indian teams participating, NSWales Vs Diamond Eagles, was 11 people until the 13^th over, this is the last thing this exciting new venture in cricketainment would want.

Indian fans are upset too.  Being that 82% of them voted Lalit Modi the saviour of Indian cricket, they cannot believe that he would let this happen.

At least one Indian politician has called for the tournament to be scrapped and for Lalit Modi to be sacked.

Champion’s League officials are working through the clock to try and keep the tournament alive, Lalit Modi was least seen talking on three mobile phones at the one time.

EDIT: I can’t believe I have to say this, but this is satire.

It has been a few days since I heard about Dirk’s decision to choose Delhi over Victoria.

And it still hurts.

I understand why he did it, I also know it was not a decision that was easy for him and that it wasn’t a decision one that he made lightly.

But it still hurts.

Cricketers are sort of like non-cricketers; some times they do things for their families.

Dirk is in his 30s, has only just made the big time, has not been groomed from his teens by the Vics, and is not your typical cricketer.

That is why I like him.

But that is also why he might not decide to play for Victoria like some automatically would.

Victoria is the team who gave him a chance, but he was running in and bowling fast well before they sorted out what he was doing.

He was picked to win them games; they didn’t groom him since he was a teen to make it to the top level.

He isn’t less of a Victorian cricketer than Brad Hodge or Cameron White, but he doesn’t have the child/father bond with them the way these boys do.

This all means I understand why he did what he did.

It doesn’t mean I like it.

I fucken hate it.

Victoria still has a top class bowling attack without him, but he is the nipple.

I wrote once that I thought that Dirk would pick Delhi over Victoria, but when it finally happened it still hurts.

Delhi is now, Dirty Delhi Daredevils.

This is a live commentary fo Dirk’s IPL debut.

Mark Nicholas just said he is a match winner and should be pushing for Australia, how is he smarter than the Australian selectors.

First ball a wide, typical Dirk.

Next ball thuds into the pads with aggression.

Another wide, awesome.

That is a ripper, too quick slams into the pads again.

Short one, quick but put away nicely through point.

Ravi called for him to be consistent, LaughOutLoud.

Beats him with a fuller one.

Hits the thigh pad with some nice bounce.

Full and straight Ravi squeezes him for 2.

9 off the first.

Was a classic Dirk start, he was everywhere, but when he got it right went through the batsmen.

No falling over, and no full tosses, so he still has plenty more to give.

Over 2

Quick full ball that swings in goes straight through Kumar, but misses the stumps.

Another yorker, King Kumar gets it out. Bowling slower than usual.

Wide one beats Yuvraj.

Warming up with pace now, movement as well, Yuvraj can’t get it away. Huge manly grunt on that one.

Wide one and Yuvraj slashes it for one.

Full and straight Kumar picks it up well and slaps it for one.

3 off the over.

Then in the next over Dirty Dirk Nannes takes a catch, from a proper skier, he never ever looked like taking it, he is famously an awkward fielder, and after catching the ball he falls over.

He had to fall over once today.

Full and straight and Yuvraj plays it magnificently for one.

Dirk gets it wrong and Mahela flicks one off his pads to the rope.

Same ball again, not enough grunts from Dirk, only one this time.

Big grunt on that one, and fast yorker for no run.

Another big grunt, and was fast, but a wide.

Fast and short and beats Yuvraj as Greg Blewett says the Dirk experiment has failed.

Dirk loses the grunts and puts the last one in the slot, Yuvraj hits it back to India.

End of Dirk’s spell 3 overs for 24.

Best of the seamers by some distance, Delhi may have to go in with him and McGrath from now on though.

Dirty Dirk Report:

No full tosses, No wickets, no falling over (while bowling).

Some wides, some great balls.

Bowled at his best when he just slung the ball down there.

Logic defying catch.

Was part of the comeback for Delhi, but looked a bit underdone pace wise.

Still lots of improvement in the big fella, but has already bowled better than Brett Geeves did in the last tournament.

Sex Bomb

Porn Star: Virender Sehwag

Twenty20 cricket was invented for him, not that he would notice, he bats the same way in all forms of cricket.

Pole Dancer: Gautam Gambhir

Hard to ever notice him in the colossal shadow of Sehwag but is now one of the best batsmen in the world. Scores a lot, and quickly.

Boy Next Door: Amit Mishra

Destroyed Australia with his legspin, and should be Delhi’s front line spinner. Is a genuine wicket taking package.

Model: David Warner

Bought before he took Steyn down, probably as a back up batsmen. Hard to see him playing too much in this side, but probably better to have him in the sheds than bowling to him on a bad day.

Home made/Amateur: Dirk Nannes

A dirty, brutal, 2020 force of nature. The best domestic 2020 bowler in the world finally in the biggest tournament in the world.

Last nights IPL game came down to three key elements.

Gotham Gambhir is a hell of a batsman.

He made a pretty fair attack look quite inadequate. And that wasn’t a joke about Kallis in the sack.

Glenn McGrath is still a miserly old bastard. Then again I suppose he;s a pensioner now, so he has to count the pennies. And still no one can play him.

And Dravid and Kallis are not made for this form of cricket.

Dravid is the wall.

Kallis is Bon Jovi.

Neither of them have what it takes to score at 2 runs a ball anymore.

Last night they saved their team with an 80odd run partnership.

Problem was by the time it got to winning the game they had eaten up all the balls and they let Boucher do the heavy lifting.

Why you would pay Kallis a kabillion dollars to play IPL is beyond me.

Yes he can play cricket, but this is not cricket, its 2020, a hybrid of soft core porn, a kiddies show and one day cricket.

Let us not forget, Bon Jovi never made it out of the suburbs.

Dravid is a superstar, arguably the most dependable batsman India have ever had.

But this is not the 4th day at Karachi with Younis bowling reverse swing, this is slogorama, and Dravid can’t slog.

Delhi on a bit.