cricket with balls

I don’t know how it happened.

I don’t know why it happened.

And I don’t care.

Just fucken fix it.

Get Hauritz out of Radelaide.

He can only do harm.

Under no circumstances can he be Australia’s spinner.

Not on my watch.

Dan Cullen, Aaron Heal, Jon Holland, or Xavier Doherty I would except.

Not Nathan.

It is a pointless exercise.

At least the others show potential.

Nathan is gone, finished, he doesn’t even get wickets at the SCG anymore.

He was stamped, never again, years ago, that stamp only comes off with brilliant shield performances.

Not mediocre drivel.

6 wickets at 50 in 3 matches does not a test match earn.

Sorry, I want Yoda there, but this is important.

This isn’t India, so Australian spinners don’t get a free tests here.

Hauritz is just not up to it.

He got out bowled by Michael Clarke in his only test.

His bowling average makes Krejza look like a superstar.

He averages less than 2 wickets a game over 40 first class games.

The majority of those were probably at the SCG, the spiniest pitch in Straya.

Not once has he got a 5 for.

And to top that off he is only 27.

Ok that has nothing to do with it.

But, he has had 7 years to make a mark, and nothing.

So many other spinners have made a mark since him.

Cullen’s record isn’t that much better, he averages only 8 runs less, but he has taken four 5 wicket hauls in 5 class cricket from only 4 more matches.

He is bowling as averagely as Hauritz in shield cricket this year, and this is his home pitch.

Or we could just not pick a spinner, since the only one performing in Australia is Marcus North.

cricketwithballs

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Apparently Shane Warne has retired.

So the Australian team needs to find some spinners capable of taking wickets in Pakistan and India.

Let’s look at the list of contracted and uncontracted spinners.

Contracted

Stuart “Lord Stuey” MacGill the enfant terrible of the private school leg spinning set.

Currently injured and more interested in filming odd ads about wine, but is married to a hot chick.

Has over 200 wickets, but has bad knees and is late 30’s.

May play again, but it looks doubtful, and even if he does he has worse knees than my grandma, and hers are fake.

Brad “the tongue” Hogg is the part time bowler who accidentally became a test match spinner.

Was once a postman, still bowls like one, and is a very effective weapon in one day cricket, but is just not a test cricketer.

People say he is a nice bloke, but I don’t think that is helping him take wickets in test match cricket.

His bowling average of 50 is not gonna help keep him in the big time.

Dan “sleeves” Cullen took 40 wickets one year for the redbacks.

Since then he would be lucky to have taken 40 combined.

Has played one test against Bangladesh, and has a very annoying habit of scrunching his sleeves up before every fu©king delivery.

Was relegated to 12th man for the redbacks last game.

No where near the level needed to be playing for Australia.

Cullen “the other guy” Bailey is the saviour of leg spinning.

So at the moment he is being crucified by not playing.

Right at the moment he is the highest paid club cricketer in the land.

Hasn’t been picked for first class cricket in 4 months.

Not even his father the preacher can save him now.

Uncontracted

Cricket With Balls Own Nice Bryce McGain is the pin up athlete for the blue rinse brigrade.

Sure he is slightly older than the usual debutant (cough57cough), but he does this weird thing, he gets wickets.

If he wore a lighter shade of blue he’d probably be playing right now, or perhaps the selectors don’t like Hugh Grant films.

He is the best spinner in Australia at the moment.

Unless my plan to reanimate the corpse of Tiger Bill O’Reilly has been successful.

Aaron “Billy” Heal is the child of a bastard union between Billy Bowden and MSquiggle

Ok, he can’t get a game for his state, but he did bowl very well when against Sri Lanka in a tour game.

That’s not the greatest wrap for him, but he does look like a bowler, and if he played on a wicket that helped spinners we may actually know how good he could be.

In the one day and 2020 comps he has bowled really well, and Sime likes him and Sime doesn’t like anyone with fewer than 250 test wickets.

Jason “who” Krejza is some guy who plays cricket i suppose.

He is the leading finger spinner statiscally at the moment.

Thats like being the tallest dwarf though.

His greatest asset is the fact he can bat, probably too well, as he plays quite often as a part time spinner and full time number 8.

He has wickets though, so that is something.

The Skinny

McGain has taken 24 wickets at 33.

Hogg 20 wickets at 40.

Krejza 13 wickets at 35.

Cullen 11 wickets at 50.

And Bailey, Heal, and Stuey aren’t really worth mentioning.

Australia’s spinning stable hasn’t been this ugly since Terry Jenner went to the big house.

In the wake of the retirements of the two greatest bowlers Australia has ever produced, the mantra of the post-Hohns selection committee should be to look forward and plan for the future and not be so worried about the present.

Andrew Hilditch and Cricket Australia are so concerned about attendance figures at games that their sole focus is on winning, winning, winning. But what about the future?

It is alright for John Buchanan to come out and say that we can palm off our “not-good-enoughs” to other countries, but our reign at the top will not last forever. The time is right for the top-nobs to start thinking about 10/11, not 07/08.

Hogg and MacGill may be good for one, maybe two years and you are all going to say that the talent is thin in the spin bowling stocks so that there isn’t someone ready to take the mantle. But remember who was the fat blonde bloke that got belted by the Indians those years ago? He was picked at 21 years of age.

We need to take a risk on a kid. I don’t care if its Callum Bailey or Dan Cullen, they may get smashed too and we may lose some games against weaker sides than us, but remember short term pain for long term gain!!!

I thought I better write about the other state teams now, before Tasmania dismember Queensland and I look like I’m jumping on the band wagon.

So heres my follow up on the next two teams in aussie domestic cricket.

South Australia-

Very youthful squad. But they’ve been youthful for a long time now. The word promising is only used before your name for so long. They have the three old boys Lehmann, Elliott (traitor) and Dizzy Gillespie. And then a truckload of hopefuls that are either too fat, or not ready yet to make the next level.

Batsmen are their biggest concern, Cosgrove can bat, but he’s out of shape. Adcock, Ferguson and Borgas have had wraps on them for quite a while. They look like cricketers, but no real results. Manou is a battler who plays above himself probably the least talented keeper in the country, but he fights on regardless. Lehman and Elliott will provide the backbone, and Elliott is essentially playing as an assistant coach.

In the Bowling the have the two most exciting spinners in the country. Problem is for South Australia Bailey and Cullen haven’t won them many games. This is the year, I’d play them both, play an all rounder, probably Cleary, and Gillespie. Add another decent quick and that’s a more than useful make up. Their bowling has been their strength of recent times, but when Tait is fit he won’t be playing for them.

The rub is that they could be anything, but probably wont be. The minute Cullen or Bailey takes wickets they’ll be in the Australian side. If Elliot plays all year, that means their young batsmen still haven’t stepped up and they won’t finish anywhere. Likely finish 4-6.

Tasmania-

For years the shit kickers of state cricket, but all of a sudden look like they could win everything. Hilfenhaus, Butterworth and Paine are all good enough to be10 year players for Australia. They are the reigning champions, they are young, they are hungry, and this may be the last year they all get to play together before their big three depart.

Their batting looks average on paper. But on the ground looks fierce. Di Venuto is one of those dudes that could have had an long international career for most other countries. Dighton, Birt and Bailey are unknowns, but they are all very talented at waving their bats around. Paine is the man, if the Australian selectors could find the balls they had when they selected McGrath, Warne, Steve Waugh and Ponting, he will be Australians next wicket keeper. He bats well enough to be a number 3 in the pura cup winning team, his keeping is better than Gilchrist. What’s not to love?

Bowling wise it’s all about Hilfenhaus at this stage. This boy could single-handedly revive the lost art of out swing bowling. If Lee or Johnson don’t get wickets against Sri Lanka this boy simply must be picked. Butterworth is still too raw to know whether he is a first change bowler or a third change bowler, but he can play and this year they expect big things from him. Damian Wright is still a classy bowler, and gets more wickets than higher profile players. Xavier Doherty is a good spinner, I’ve liked him since I first saw him. Left arm orthodox is not taken seriously in Australia, hopefully X man (it would have to be his nick name, wouldn’t it) can revive it and put some pressure on those South Australian spinners.

The rub is that if this team stays healthy, even without Hilfenhaus they should win the title, only the Victorians or the Queenslanders have the lists to stretch them. Likely finish 1-2.