cricket with balls

In an extraordinary decision, Daniel Vettori has chosen to resign for Andy Moles saving New Zealand Cricket the embarrassment of having to ask for Andy Moles resignation.

A few days ago it was revealed that New Zealand Cricket was having a mediation session with Andy Moles. It was Vettori who was leading the session, but not even he could mend the irreconcilable rift.

Vettori then informed NZC that Moles would be resigning. He then read out a statement that he wrote and typed up:

“After careful consideration I have decided that Andy Moles has decided to resign his role as New Zealand coach, effective immediately. There were obviously some problems between him and some senior players, but he leaves on the best of terms. As captain and selector I would like to thank him for the service he provided to New Zealand cricket. New Zealand has already made their new choice of coach, I was on the committee, and we have decided to appoint myself as coach. I know you might think that I already have a lot on my plate, but this is only one other job. I can handle it. Being that I have experience as a player, captain and selector I believe this gives me some special insights into the job. I would also like to point out that I will not let this interfere with our performance against Pakistan. Please help yourself to the sandwiches I prepared, our cook was out ill, so I decided to just help out where I could.“

While Vettori’s press release about Andy Moles resignation stopped there, it was also common knowledge that Vettori had started driving around the team in South Africa after some players weren’t happy with the routes their driver was taken.

Some in the media have even talked about a rumour that Daniel Vettori has taken up flying lessons just in case they have any problems with future pilots.

Vettori has also been seen auditioning as a replacement singer after Boyzone tragically lost one of their members to natural causes.

I expected to wake to the news that Andy Moles has been “let go”.

He still hasn’t been.

What sort of slow motion coup d’éta tis this?

Just get rid of him.

None of us believe in this mediation.

We are just already assuming that several kiwi players got together with cigars and hummus deciding the fate of their coach.

He was 5th choice after all, no one really expected him to do well.

So make the chop already, don’t drag out the death scene.

Moles seems like an ok fella, he doesn’t deserve all this.

Let him get back to the UK where a lack of tactical nous gets you the job at Lancashire.

And if you want to know what really happened, I hear this is all Aaron Redmond’s fault, he came into the squad with his three day growth and occasional leg spinners and stirred up trouble.

Never trust a part time leggie.

Oh, Andy, it was nice almost knowing you.

For the latest developments in the Fake IPL Player Saga click here.

“P.P.P.P.P.S. I have decided to retire from all forms of cricket after IPL. I will disclose my identity on our last match day.”

fake ipl player

Which is interesting, I spose.

Hopefully who ever it is makes it that far.

But the most interesting thing in the latest post is his bagging of New Zealand.

“The Kiwi coach has joined us to observe and learn from us. As if one mole wasn’t enough, our team now has invited a new one. Whatever prompted Mr Genius to choose our team over others, what’s now clear is why New Zealand is placed 8th in the ICC rankings.”

Nice.

Although let’s give Moles some credit, perhaps he went to KKR to see how too many coaches can ruin a cricket team.

Also thanks to the website who offered me a chance at covering a live chat of the fakester, but I might give it a miss after reading this,

“P.S. I think some website’s been advertising that I am appearing for a live chat. That’s not true. Under the circumstances I can’t live chat at all and nobody knows who I am.”

“History would suggest that there’s not too many sides win from this situation,”

Andy Moles

No Andy, none in fact.

No side has ever won from this far behind.

Ever.

Not once.

I haven’t quite worked out Andy Moles yet, is he a forward thinking visionary, or another positive speaking buffoon.

I know Jeremy Snape and his minions will tell you to always talk up your team, situation, penis length, but there are some situations where tough love, common sense and pragmatism should be used as well.

Over 500 runs down with 5 wickets in hand is probably one of those situations.

Andy Moles has given up on New Zealand already.

It’s a bold new initiative.

And I like it.

Why wait for your team to let you down.

Jump in first.

“If things don’t go well tomorrow and it is a drawn game, then the Indians will know come the next test that we are a better side than they thought when they came to Napier.”

Draw, draw or draw, New Zealand really win.

Moles should forget cricket, politics is his bag.

I agree with Moles, it will be moral victory for New Zealand.

Its just hard to remember where you put that in the win, lose and draw columns.