cricket with balls

Kingcricket is on great form over at TWC about why he doesn’t like the IPL teams.

“We can’t even look at the individual players without wondering whether they were the subject of lengthy discussions about how their presence in the side would ‘position the franchise for consumers’.

“How does Andrew Symonds represent the Deccan Chargers ideals and values?” they’d have asked. “Do his qualities fit with our image? What’s our official stance on the shoulder-charging of streakers? Do we have one? Why don’t we have one? Let’s say that we’re pro shoulder-charging streakers so that we can sign Roy.””

It is funny that he has picked Roy as his muse, since it was Roy who was in trouble for drinking too much alcohol by the Australian team, even though they are sponsored by many an alcoholic company.

That was a case of making a stand on behalf of the Australian cricket consumers, while flogging off the same product.

I still have no idea what Australia’s official stance on alcohol consumption is.

Andrew Symonds has been dumped off the Australian Contract list.

Ofcourse.

Who replaces him?

Shaun Tait.

Some of you might say that is weird, a batting all rounder goes out, and a bowler comes in.

But if this isn’t the best case of like for like ever I don’t know what is.

One troubled case out, one troubled case in.

This is so the Cricket Australia Administracrats have something to do.

Otherwise everything will run so smoothly they will not be required.

And they would never let that happen.

The Cricket Gods hate us, all of us.

Roy goes home.

Dirk goes home.

Sehwag goes home.

And now Jesse has an infected groin.

Tell me there isn’t at least one player on this list you love to watch.

Someone who makes you want to tell that special someone that you have a headache just to watch them play.

Look who has replaced them.

Cameron White, Fresh Air, Dinesh Kartik and Aaron Redmond.

Come on.

Give us something.

I like Cam, and I think Dinish looked in sparkling for in the IPL, but look at the names we are missing.

Seems like someone is pissing on this tournament.

I mean Aaron Redmond.

Give me a break.

I fell asleep once thinking of him batting.

Roy was hated by many, and loved by few.

That was part of the appeal; everyone doesn’t love the best artists, otherwise Nick Cave would outsell NSYNC. 

Roy was the Daniel Johnston of cricket.

While others fiddled, tweaked, over thought and planned their cricket, he just went with simple instinct.

Batsmen can often end up being nervous wrecks; all rounders have a certain freedom, and Roy used his handy bowling as an excuse to bat like a free spirited nudist.

His off spin and medium pace could be compared to Johnston’s music; it was there, but it wasn’t the reason you came, but when seen with Roy’s batting, which were the Johnston lyrics, the whole thing made sense.

Roy’s batting was straightforward, keep out the good ball, and hit the bad ball as hard as you can.

Some batsmen treat spinners like they are magicians bowling down a cricket ball hidden in a bowl of fruit, Symonds treated them like any other bowler.

He was fragile, like Johnston, usually not on the field, but off the field you feel he needed his tyres pumped more than most. , his potential was always there, but he needed someone to get it out of him.

Ricky became his cricketing daddy; without Ponting, Roy would never have made it.

Johnston has never been known as an intelligent man, and some say he isn’t even a genius, just an idiot that writes stupid pop lyrics. They may be right.

Roy could also be a brute that hit the ball so hard he got away with a career.

But I’d take 1 Roy before I’d take a bunch of Bells or Princes.

He brought colour to the game, and I like characters in my cricket, even the ones I don’t like.

I am not sure if Roy was a lucky bullying slogger or a simple batting genius, but fuck I liked having him around.

Why do I think we are the ones who lose out here, some lose a hero, some lose a villain, but we all lose someone different.

While I am sure Roy would hate Daniel Johnston’s music, but when I was writing this these lyrics kept coming back to me.

If I was a cricus man
Then I’d be a circus man
Only you could understand
All my life ahead of me
That’s the way it ought to be
Circus take me away
Yonder where I’ve been again
Then I’ll be back again
Be a brand new day

Roy, we have followed you throughout your entire career. You have entertained us all, off and on the field. Your drunkenness, rude way with fans, mild abuse to the press, and general need to fuck yourself over has been a breath of fresh air in this age of professional robot cricketers (Probots).  James Sutherland will never allow us another you, Roy. You are it, a dying breed of drunkard cricketer, a throwback to a time when getting drunk and being good at cricket went hand in hand. You had the misfortune to be born in the wrong era, in the 70s or 80s there would have been no scandal if the odd bus was missed, or if you rocked up to the odd game with no sleep. Those days are gone ol’ chap, and your story is testament to that. You’ve had your fun though; you ol‘ lump of shit you. You played for your country, hit a streaker, appeared half naked in ads, and got more free booze and women than most of us could ever dream of.

When you sit down in the Drunkard’s Valhalla, you can do it proudly, as you pissed away your career with stunning masculinity and brutish charm.

Cheers to Roy.