Ask any cricket fan who the biggest chokers in world cricket are and you will get, almost unanimously, the answer ‘South Africa’. And it is true that the Proteas have a fine record of stuffing themselves right when they seem poised to win something. But it isn’t really them. Frankly, if you don’t have the nuts to get yourselves into a final, you’re not doing the choking thing properly.
Ballsing it up at the end of a competition is proper choking. You have to have one hand on the trophy to really choke, to really blow it when there is no reason to do so. Steve Waugh’s famous “How does it feel to drop the World Cup” sledge is wrong, because even if South Africa had won that semi-final, they still had to get into a position to win the final.
No, the real chokers in 1999 were Pakistan, who made their way to the final of possibly the worst World Cup ever staged and then somehow managed to get themselves bowled out for 139 – a score which they spent an agonising 39 overs compiling.
If you want to find the real Kings of Chokeland, look no further than tomorrow’s final. England. Reachers of four international finals. Winners of none.
In 1979, they reached the World Cup final despite clearly not having grasped the idea of 60 over cricket (as it then was). They bowled and fielded like dogs, were spanked around Lord’s by the West Indies, and then opened with Boycott and Brearley playing as if it was a Test match.
Then, in 1987, Gatting played that famous failed reverse sweep and the whole side fell apart, losing from a seemingly impregnable position.
1992 was a slightly different story, as some dreadful umpiring and an inspired Pakistani team took the game from England’s grasp, but in 2004’s Champions Trophy they returned to their losing ways, somehow allowing the West Indies to add 70 runs for the 9th wicket after a Marcus Trescothick ton and three wickets for Andrew Flintoff had made the game theirs.
It is hard to come up with another parallel for choking like this. The only thing comparable in world sport seems to be the Buffalo Bills American Football team, who have lost all three of their Superbowl appearances and did so in three consecutive years during the 1990s. But even that smacks of a short period of choking followed (and indeed preceded) by long periods of mediocrity. To reach four finals in 25 years and blow every one, well, that’s choking on an auto-erotic, orange in the mouth and belt around the neck sort of way.
Yep, the greatest chokers in world sport are the England cricket team. And they are playing in another final today. Can they make it five in a row?





