cricket with balls

Somehow I came third, I can’t believe it, and neither can sportsfreak.

I have noticed an abnormal amount of people picking their best team of the world t20 thingy.

So I thought I better do one.

Andre Fletcher; 3 ducks in 5 innings, something special in that.
Jacques Kallis; someone has to keep the run rate in check. 
Rob Key; listed at 3 will bat at 6, once.
Ricky Ponting; captaincy and morale.
Jehan Mubarak; 7 innings for a top score of 21.
Jacob Oram; remember when he could bat.
James Foster; remember that Yuvraj stumping… and that’s all.
Stuart Broad; fielding specialist.
Brett Lee; came back to help Australia.
Isuru Udana; lego hair twice went for over 40, top effort.
Glenn Rogers; 4 overs for 52 runs, doing it for Scotland.
Ishant Sharma; 2 wickets, heaps of runs, shit hair.

There is nothing this team can’t accomplish.

Since no one at the ICC or world anti-doping agencies could believe Afridi’s two grown up batting displays, they have decided to test him for drugs.

This is a standard practice, and not because they saw him snorting cocaine of a group of women after his innings in the semi final.

They are looking for a performance-enhancing cocktail that will explain the last few days.

We don’t need a test to tell us what substance is in his veins.

Awesomeness. Pure Awesomeness.

A natural compound found in the Zulus, Indigenous Australians, Jazz musicians and Natalie Portman.

Afridi has bucketloads of awesomeness coursing though him.

Awesomeness is not an illegal performance-enhancing substance, as there is no known test for it, although it does make the person perform better and makes them more awesome.

Along with all this awesomeness, his tests will show more testosterone than any drug test has ever shown, but this is not artificial. Afridi is a bulging sinew of raw sexual power, and he runs on testosterone.

Any readings of above normal testosterone levels should be accepted.

Ofcourse there is one drug that Afridi will have.

There is a fair chance he did not take it knowingly, and that Younis Khan crushed it, and then slipped it into Afridi’s meals.

Adderall.

Which for those unaware does this:
Adderall is a central nervous system stimulant. It affects chemicals in the brain and nerves that contribute to hyperactivity and impulse control.

I think we all know the tests will show up positive for this.

Claire Taylor is so much better than you are.

And her team is the best women’s cricket team on earth.

The margin between England and any other team is as wide as the gap between Claire Taylor and the rest of the world’s batsmen.

Mithali Raj may be an artist of the highest level.

Compared to Raj, Taylor is a butcher, but she is the most prolific butcher ever.

She seems to make sausages at will, millions of them, good sausages, sausages that feed her team mates and keep them fit and active.

There is nothing that special about the way she makes these sausages.

She just makes a lot of them.

Because of all these sausages, England is now the best team in the world in every format of cricket.

That is pretty impressive.

Something the Australian men’s team has never done.

Something the English men’s team can’t even imagine doing.

That is because neither team has Claire Taylor.

I know what you are thinking, “Jrod hasn’t told us who will win the World T20 thingy, how will we watch the game knowing this”.

Settle down sunshine, here is my guess.

Nether team will win, instead a giant squid will attack Lord’s killing everyone, especially the children and smurf dancers.

If that doesn’t happen I am torn.

Once Australia and India looked rubbish i thought Sri Lanka would win.

But…

I expected them to play the probotic children of the mechanic revolution (South Africa), and thusly win easily with their wizards and demons.

Now they are playing Pakistan, who has 5 bowlers I would trust more than Sri Lanka’s Junk bowlers (Sorry, Lego Hair Udana and Angelo), and I am unsure.

Sri Lanka still has the freakish team, but so does Pakistan, and they look more in form.

So i will go out on a limb and choose my third differernt winner of the tournament, Pakistan.

Shahid Afridi is almost as sexy as Natalie Portman at the moment, and he made me use this sentence on twiiter recently, “Afridi saluting the crowd is the moment I am more sexually attracted to a man than i feel comfortable with.”

Pakistan for me.

If Sri Lanka win I will go back to my original (read second) choice that the Lankans can win.

And for the women’s, I will remain loyal to my original (really) thoughts that the Kiwi side will win.

Unless England and CWB’s own Hilly Colvin win, and they I support Holly.