cricket with balls

Andrew Flintoff just gave an interview to BBC Radio, in which he admitted that he was planning for the possibility that he might not be able to come back from his current knee problem.

This is, quite possibly, the most interesting thing that Flintoff has ever said in an interview – certainly in an interview given whilst sober. Previously, he’s always been hugely bullish about his prospects of coming back from any operation. It seems that the op he had the day after the Oval Test failing and having to have a second, more major, one has knocked his confidence, even in himself.

It is also clear that either he doesn’t contemplate coming back as a batsman only, or that the knee is so bad that, if it can’t be fixed, it is pretty well going to prevent him doing anything.

The next interesting thing that he said was that whatever he does, it won’t be commentary. Which is good news for everyone as (a) his time as England captain revealed that he wasn’t one of the game’s greatest thinkers or tacticians and (b) we won’t have to listen to his dull northern monotone clogging up our airwaves.

32 is hellishly early to have to end your career, though – especially in this day and age. Strange to think, too, that both he and Brett Lee, the couple who provided one of crickets iconic moments of the last decade, could be going out of the game together, too.

When Australia were losing the Ashes there was a lot of talk of the statistical mugging Australia was giving England while still managing to quite beautifully lose the series.

This series has a similar story.

England had one batsman average over 45.

Even Bell and Cook who apparently came of age could only muster 44 and 41 between them.

Trott might be from South Africa, but there is no statistical proof that he even went, his average of 27 is even bad for an English number 3.

Then the two highest paid batsmen combined to average 49.

As world’s greatest hack Nigel Henderson pointed out to me, why are people talking about Daryl Harper.

Because it is funny and he is shit.

But once they stop chuckling at Daryl looking at the carnage of this series will not be pretty.

The bowling is not that much better, their bowling unit got more wickets than in the Ashes, but their averages do not inspire moans of pleasure.

Swann was the top wicket taker with 21, but his average was 31, Morkel took 19 wickets at 21.

Anderson took 16 wickets, which is respectable, at 34, Steyn took 15 at 23.

Had it not been for their new Jesus (I move on just that quick), the man who saved them twice and then was crucified, England could have gone down 3-1.

However, when you swim out of that faecic quagmire look at the actual scoreline. Not bad.  The Ashes scoreline worked for England as well. Had England been offered these two results going in they would have taken them.

Somehow England have invented a style of play that means that very few players have to do anything, the rest turn up for the food, and yet they still remain competitive.

That is something I really can admire.

Dis-organised shitness with positive results, sort of like this website.

A couple of people have asked to see some of what goes on in the book.

I wasn’t sure what to put up here.

Some of it makes sense in the book, but may not here.

Some of it I like to much I want it read in print first.

Eventually I decided on the following passage, I’m not sure why.

It isn’t the final edit, but it is roughly right.

It is after Australia’s first batting collapse at Lord’s when a few of the Aussies went out to the short ball.

“Pull yourself”

Oh come on.

Most of you played this shot when you were in the womb. Back-foot shots are what Australians do. I get not getting swing bowling or having trouble with spinner’s mystery balls, but short balls. Fuck off.

Katich and North are from the Waca. The WACA. The place of pace and bounce. When they learnt the game this was a wicket that fast bowlers would drool over. If you couldn’t play the short ball well there you died, you actually died.

Brad, what was going on with you, you played yours in the dark. In the dark. And you had already seen four others go out the same way. Was there no little voice in your head saying: “Jeez, we are struggling, perhaps I should not try this shot that the whole team has played and fucked up.” No, of course not. You are an instinct player. That is why we, and England, love you. Did you see all the happiness you brought them?

Marcus, you were special too. Unlike your brethren you didn’t even wait for a short ball, you just attacked one that you wanted to be short. That worked out well for you. You do realise that at some grounds in the world the bounce is rather less than you get at the Waca.

Mitchell, never mind son. Just have a good rest.

Phillip, Way to show people you aren’t afraid of the short ball, glove a shit one down the legside. Hasn’t anyone ever told you it is almost impossible to pull one down the legside, you can’t control it. But you are young, I forgive you.

Simon, hasn’t anyone ever told you that you can’t control a short ball down the leg side you dumb fuck. Come on. You are supposed to be the smart stoic boring one.

What are we supposed to tell the children?

“Daddy, I do not understand, how did we lose to England?”
“Well my dear, you see they all decided to play the hook and pull shots badly on one day”
“Daddy, that is fucked, can we kill them?”

If I can find another section I’d like to put up, I will.

Gideon did one, Athers did one, and even the ECB did one.

But the Ashes couldn’t possibly be dealt with correctly until I stepped in.

So I have.

Cricket with balls is happy to present, ashes 2009: when freddie became jesus.

Available now on Amazon.

On the back of the book it says:

“He’s such a pleasure to watch that if I were a mad billionaire who hosted parties that people came to just because there was a lot of booze and freaky shit going on, I’d hire Ian Bell, strip him naked, oil him up and make him practise his cover drive for hours on end in a giant birdcage. Test cricket, though, isn’t that simple.”

So says Jarrod Kimber, who goes where other cricket chroniclers fear to tread. Having left behind a film-making career in Melbourne and with marriage to his Pom girlfriend imminent, Kimber, the Australian author of the cult blog cricketwithballs.com, finds himself in England for the 2009 series.

From his couch, in the stands, and with occasional press passes from the Wisden Cricketer, he produces a unique take on events on and off the field: when he’s not rubbing shoulders with cricket’s glitterati, he’s probably rubbing Steve Waugh up the wrong way. But amid the bawdy humour and ribald ranting is the kind of penetrating insight and love of the game that by the end of the
summer had journalists of a more conventional nature tapping cricketwithballs into their search engines.

So you really should buy it, if the ashes is your thing, it has 25% material from here, but the rest I just made up recently.

If it isn’t your thing, just click on the link to do me a favour.

I’m excited.

This has been a big weekend for Victorians.

Dirty Dirk took 4 for today and helped an IPL side actually win a game.

Victoria beat Delhi up in their first champion’s league match.

And Australia picked another Victorian for a tour.

It might have been some useless one-day series that no one will really care about, but I don’t care, another Victorian has been noticed.

A spinny Victorian, sure he bowls that poncey left arm spin crap, but he can bowl.

It is too early to tell if he is the real deal or not, he hasn’t played in more than 10 games in any format for Victoria yet.

But in Victoria’s one game he showed something. This was his first game in front of an international audience only hours after he was announced as an Australian squad member. He had every reason to fail.

Instead he bowled quite well against Dilshan and Kartik; two guys that should and could have smashed him everywhere.

Before yesterday he was probably going to India as a work experience cricketer, but he could now find himself slipped in to the side on the tracks that spin. Thanks to Lalit he is getting some great practice.

He is going to go the distance in this tournament eventually; he isn’t the Umar Gul of spin or anything.

Victoria rate him highly, and in only a short time he seems to have replaced Bryce McGain as the main 2020 spin option for them.

But what I liked best was how relaxed he looked. It took Nathan Hauritz 5 years at the top level to look as relaxed as Holland did the first time in front of a live studio audience.

All in all he raises my pulse more after watching him only three times than Hauritz has in his whole career, although they have one thing in common, neither has taken a 5 wicket haul in first class cricket.

I like him, it is still early days, but he was one of the two spinners I mentioned in my Australian spinners and zombies post along with Steven Smith, who has also bowled well in the league.

Australian spin may not be dead.