cricket with balls

Many countries have pictures of their head of states in the airport.

It’s pretty fucken useless, no one cares, and it makes the leader look like a dodgy dictator.

At Colombo airport they might do that, but I didn’t see it.

What I saw was much better.

As you come through immigration, the king.

Much better than a picture of some politician.

No one ever just retires anymore.  They are always set to retire.

And Murali is set.

Sources close to him have set him, and so have the Sri Lankan website, so it can’t be long before he confirms that the Galle test against India is his last.

Murali has been slipping for a while now, in 09 he averaged 46 in test matches, which for someone as machine like as him had to be a sign.

He can still bowl, but test cricket might just be a touch too far for the 38 year old.

8 wickets are what he needs to be the first bowler to 800 wickets.  If he gets there it will be an amazing last test considering his recent test form.

As for me, I never truly warmed to Murali.

I was there when he was first called.

While I appreciate his ability to bowl so many overs and the size of his eyes, no one else is allowed to bowl with that action.  And that bothers me.

Most of the shit wasn’t his fault anyway, the dude just did his job, others campaigned for and against him, and he was used to change a flawed system for the better, even if it is still not perfect.

I already get the feeling that this will set off the debate on Warne Vs Murali, which will probably end up as boring as it is pointless.

Murali may not have been my favourite cricketer, but politics and elbows aside what a servant he was for Sri Lanka.

Some days it felt like he would bowl unchanged for the entire day, add to that living through the whole chucking shit, the boy had guts, so I may not love him, but I do respect him.

Afghanistan – Turned up with a bowling unit that most Minnows would be proud of, but their bowlers also ended up being their batting.

They were very loud, but showed real aptitude, but were kicked out of the library after being caught urinating on the technique books.

Australia – Finally selected a T20 team and got a test player to captain it. Took the gamble on 3 front line bowlers and it worked until their batsmen bottled it in the final.

Bullied their way around the schoolyard, and everyone sucked up to them. Next time they should stay focused until the end of the day.

Bangladesh – Tried hard at times but never had the firepower to scare Australia or Pakistan.

Truancy is a problem, if Tamim isn’t around the rest of the boys lose confidence. Perhaps they were promoted too quickly and could do well if they were to repeat this grade a few times.

England – Was the best performed and coached side in the entire tournament, Wright at six was a gamble, but their middle order stuck around and they deserved to win.

Polite, courteous, well mannered and simply a delight to teach. About time too, before this they were a disorganized bore that should have been spanked daily.

India – Arrived with a hangover, played like they were in a coma, picked the wrong side and then performed like their entire family had been killed by drunk drivers.

Spank them, send them to bed without their dinner, cut all extra curricular activities and make sure you give them a curfew.

Ireland – Showed yet again that they are a plucky yet largely untalented bunch. Bowling display against England was a masterclass in bowling slow seam.

Since Eoin has moved classes the Irish boys have looked slightly stupid, it might be time for remedial studies, again.

New Zealand – At times it felt like they were in the tournament, but that they also weren’t. They beat 2 of the Semi finalists, but not in the semi finals.

A very eager student who would do extra work than required, it was just that their best work was only just a pass.

Pakistan – Were shocking, brilliant and wonderfully insane, just like Pakistan should be. Need a captain, not an excitable poodle.

Were truant at the start of the semester, then came in late doing lots of work to try catch up. They almost passed but it wouldn’t be fair to students who turned up all the time, like M Hussey.

South Africa – had one of the bowlers of the tournament in Charl Langeveldt, and almost no one else. Picked the wrong team, stayed with the wrong teamand then failed to actually chase Pakistan’s total.

These boys are clearly too old for schooling, and didn’t look interested either. Perhaps getting them into the workforce would benefit them.

Sri Lanka – Surfed the wave of Mahela all the way to the finals, but outside of him and some isolated performances they were pretty ordinary.

Had one mature age student who was of no use, a cool student who didn’t seem interested and some experimental student who produced very little. Very disappointed in them.

West Indies – Teams who host these tournaments are usually useless, the West Indies proved that rule.

The entire class sit around waiting for Chris Gayle to do the work, and he can’t always be bothered. Andre Fletcher needs private tuition or home schooling.

Zimbabwe – Had a great array of spinners and almost entirely nothing else. Played good honest cricket, but are missing several components.

They seemed to be driven by fear of being spanked by their parents, but are generally a very poor academic group. I don’t want to alarm anyone, but Ray Price is surely too old to be at school, and I think I saw him beat up the Lunch Lady.

One of the great things about cricket is the fact that it is so unpredictable. Every day, the fan is faced with intriguing possibilities. What new way will the ICC find to screw up a tournament? How many inches will Stuart Broad have grown overnight? And whose turn is it to be captain of Pakistan this week?

Today’s surprise? Well, it wasn’t England’s mauling of Sri Lanka. Watching England at the moment is a bit like watching a drunk walking along a bridge parapet in the small hours of a Sunday morning – you know it is all going to end in a nasty squishy mess, but predicting the point at which the fall will come is somewhat trickier. And because so many people predicted that they would drop off the edge, they somehow clung on.

No, the surprising thing was how they did it, and particularly how one particular player did it. Today was the day that Kevin Pietersen turned into one of the elder statesmen of cricket (at least for the afternoon).

It started with the frowning and disgusted shake of the head as Tim Bresnan attempted to gift Sri Lanka a whole over of wides.

Then he came into bat right after Lasith Malinga had cleaned up Craig Kieswetter with a trademark yorker. The old KP would’ve swiped at the first ball, desperate to get off the mark. The new version calmly blocked another, less well directed, yorker and then bunted the next ball to mid-on for that duck-breaking single.

And so it continued. No rash shots, no hand-switching sweeps. In fact the Sri Lankans appeared perplexed by his habit of wandering down the pitch and nudging the ball for a single, rather than trying to batter it out of the ground over mid-wicket. And he certainly didn’t regard being a dozen runs from victory as an excuse to charge down the wicket and twat the ball straight up in the air, as his captain did.

Pietersen the Responsible. Who’d have thought it. Honestly, anyone would think he’d become a parent or something.