Rudolf Eric Koertzen. A name sufficiently Germanic to strike a tremor in the heart of a batsman, and that is before he set foot on the cricket field.
The thing about Random Rudi is that he always was, well, Random Rudi. You knew exactly what you were going to get with him – the odd decision so brilliant that you thought ‘How the hell did he get that right?’, balanced by the howler that made you think ‘How the hell did he get that wrong?’.
There is a myth that his decision making became increasingly flawed over the years. Yes, he was one of the umpires who cocked up the end of the 2007 World Cup Final, but he was one of four who got that wrong and, frankly, it was utterly hypocritical of the ICC to suspend any of them for a mistake in a tournament which they themselves had so comprehensively buggered in the first place.
Rudi was never a showy umpire like Bowden on Shepherd, but neither was he a blend-into-the-background type. The closest he came to a trademark was his ’slow death’ finger of dismissal and even then it was no slower than Bucknor’s. In fact, when in recent times he grew a beard, there were many diehard fans who failed to recognise him at all.
Sometimes we expect too much from our umpires. We expect them to be infallible, when we allow the players to be less than that. In an age where umpiring is increasingly scrutinised by technology, it is arguable that Rudi did his reputation no favours by staying on for the last couple of years, allowing his reputation as a fine umpire who was respected by the players to be tarnished. On the other hand, it is to his credit that he didn’t go sooner and submitted himself to that kind of interrogation.
In truth, in the mythical match where you are having to bat for your life, you wouldn’t want to have Rudi at the other end. You’d want someone less likely to give you ought caught off your thigh. Or shoulder. Or teeth. If, on the other hand, you wanted to know that the guy at the far end was utterly unscrutable but quite likely to have a drink with you after the game, Rudi was your man. As we usher in an age where television is increasingly the arbiter and all an umpire needs to do is to count to six, we may never see umpires as good as we have now again. Which it is why it is a shame that any of them – even those you may not be greatly enamoured of – retire. You’ll miss Koertzen more than you think you will.





