cricket with balls

Cricket Australia (CA) has given two very high profile Australian cricketers life bans to prove that they are serious about cleaning up the game of cricket.

The decision follows a breach of team rules and ICC regulations during an Ashes test match that Australia went on to lose.

CA Chief Executive Officer James Sutherland said Dennis Lillee and Rodney Marsh would be given life bans from playing cricket from Australia and would the ICC would be informed of this decision immediately.

Pending ICC approval, the players will be allowed to work in cricket, but their playing future is over.

Australia’s test against the English at Headingley in 1981 was the game where both men have now confirmed they did make a bet on England to win that game. Against all odds England came back to win after the follow on had been enforced. At the time the bet was seen as a harmless prank, but cricket has changed since then.

Mr Sutherland said the decision to suspend Lillee and Marsh was regrettable.

“The breach of team rules of itself was a major offence, but in the current circumstances we thought we needed to show World Cricket and the PCB that you have to take these issues seriously” Mr Sutherland said.

“I am disappointed in Dennis and Rod, but I am also disappointed for them after all the work they have done with Australian cricket’s support in the last 29 years – - and CA will be encouraging and supporting them in the future”.

The life ban decision was discussed by CA’s Board which met this evening prior to a scheduled full-day Board meeting in Melbourne tomorrow. A CA management recommendation to the board in turn followed a unanimous recommendation from the team’s leadership group.

Lillee and Marsh are keen to continue working in cricket but are obviously upset they will never play cricket for their country again.

In other news, the ECB have asked the great-granddaughter of WG Grace to Lord’s to answer questions on odd occurences from tests in the 1800s.

This was a press release given to cwb, and only cwb for some reason.  Perhaps that means it’s fake, who knows.

Not long ago I wrote about the Cricket Australia plan to dice up the one day game.

What do I care.  I don’t like one day cricket that much and I’ll hardly see any of the games.

But, the players have much more an interest in it, so why not let them chat about it.

So here is two differing opinions from current Australian domestic players.

Due to contracts, I have to not name one of the players, I’m sure you’ll understand why.

Positive:

I’m sure @CricketAus have put a lot of research into it! Something new and exciting for both fans and players! Can’t wait

Aaron Finch (when asked thoughts on the new one-day format).

Negative:

45 over, split innings cricket… its like your girlfriend stopping mid-blowjob saying she needs to do a shit, then you being able to smell it the whole time she continues. Sure, you can probably still get some enjoyment out of it. Just the lingering smell distracting you takes away from the contest at hand, and turns it into not a real blow job. There’s going to be a result, both teams won’t enjoy it as much as a blowjob without the stench, but there may indeed be an audience that will spectate this stinky-blow-job arena. It will at first be to see just what it does indeed smell like, but many will sing its praises as a new type of fetish that they will subscribe to religiously. Cricket Australia will market the ’shit’ out of the blowjob, so you are left questioning whether there actually was a dump, maybe said dump smells quite good, or maybe even it was you who did the dump.

Fear not though lovers of a real sucking, for the blowjob is not yet dead. The Indians love to recieve a proper gobby, and have no interest in smelling the shit. In years to come this will be the type of hairy armpit, bushy minge blowjob that many sit back and watch together for a laugh secretly trying to hide their semi-erect penii in their stonewash jeans, while Cricket Australia think of the next kinky plan to ruin the great game of sucky sucky.

As usual, cricket with balls gives you both sides of the argument.

Fair, balanced and fucked up.

”At no stage have they told any selector that his job is being dissolved, discontinued. One of us has to drop off, not anyone has been told who that one is going to be. Our future is in someone else’s hands. Obviously we would like to know who it is. If it is me that gets dropped off the list, I have enjoyed my time with the Australian cricket team, it has been absolutely fantastic. What happens going forward is out of my hands.”

Merv Hughes

OK, you’ve now read that.

Let me do this to it.

”At no stage have they told any player that he will be getting the axe. One of us has to drop off, not anyone has been told who that one is going to be. Our future is in someone else’s hands. Obviously we would like to know who it is. If it is me that gets dropped, I have enjoyed my time with the Australian cricket team, it has been absolutely fantastic. What happens going forward is out of my hands.”

Any cricket player ever

I feel sorry for cricketers that they have to live and die  by old men who have agendas, but that is how cricket is.

That is how life is.

Your job as selector is to select the team, that means making tough calls on people’s careers.

But, Merv, someone has to select the selectors.

And now you are on the end of what you do to other people all the time.

As one cricketer may or may not have said to me, “My heart bleeds boys, it really does, now go back to the 2s, get some runs and hopefully we can chat later in the summer…”.

You surely can’t complain.

This isn’t even a full time position you currently hold. You have a real job, I assume.

If it was full time, Merv, then you’d have been made to pay the couple of bucks a month to get a foxtel subscription to watch the international cricket you currently don’t see.

If it was full time, Boon and Cox would have to give up their jobs helping out SA and Tas.

If it was full time, Hilditch wouldn’t be walking dogs on the beach while test matches are being played.

Boys, I do feel sorry for you, but one of you will have to miss out. G Chappell is obviously the future, and we need to fast track him into the system, this doesn’t mean the end for you, obviously Hilditch is on his way out, so maybe one of you can go back, get a bunch of good decisions under your belt and get a call up.  No one ever said the life of a selector was an easy one, but you’ve made it once, you can make it again. A lot of great selectors were dropped early, and they fought like hell to make it back, there is no reason why you can’t do the same. .  You’ve done well, but this is mostly for selectorial balance, you know, horses for courses.

Just when you assume that Cricket Australia can’t make you laugh, they pour acid in your ear and light your pubes on fire.

It didn’t seem to matter that Greg Chappell as a coach was like being made to kill your own dog, Cricket Australia seem to love him.

Perhaps it was because all of them owned the Greg Chappell hats as kids, or maybe they’ll all mental cuntards.

Either way, they have now outdone themselves and given Chappell the first ever full time selector role.

His first decision was to axe Sourav Ganguly.

No one had the heart to explain that he couldn’t.

But, and this is where Cricket Australia really outdid themselves, then they gave him a title.

It could have been “full time selector”, but that would be too sensible.

Instead his title is, “national talent manager”.

It seems like the title was made just to make people laugh so hard they didn’t notice Greg Chappell was given another job even though his record is pretty piss poor.

Why does he even need a title, he is a selector, that is a title, he is a massive cup of shit coffee, that is a title.

“Greg Chappell has been performing his duties as a shit cup of coffee for Australia quite well, and we have signed him on for another year”.

That could work.

“Greg Chappell has been busy managing the talent of Australia, he has spent long hours talent managing, and no one has a grip on the talent like Greg does”.

Maybe it all makes sense.  It could be that Cricket Australia actually hate Greg Chappell, and he has blackmailed them into giving him another job.

So they thought, fuck this guy, lets give at least give him a stupid title, and since we call the selectors the NSP, no one will ever suspect us.

Those cunning bastards.

They’re always one step ahead.

Ofcourse, they still have Greg Chappell.

Poor bastards.

Greg Chappell maybe the first person to get a job in cricket when he is dead, well not the first, the first outside of England.

A new podcast on the Aussies performance against Pakistan with the special guest star.

It would have been longer, but someone rang his door bell.