equatorKamran Akmal is in his hotel room watching repeats of the Shield (Mackie is doing something dodgy, again) after day 2 of the 2nd Test against Australia.
Kamran: Ahoy hoy.
Mysterious Sounding Dude: Mr Akmal, the chickens are coming home to roost.
Kamran: What fucken chickens.
Mysterious Sounding Dude: We need you to lose this match.
Kamran: This is Pakistan; we can probably lose it from here anyway.
Mysterious Sounding Dude: No, you must ensure. This is very important, I wouldn’t be calling you if it was not, that would be rude. Please lose.
Kamran: And how would I do that?
Mysterious Sounding Dude: We want you to drop every catch, miss run outs and be really shit.
Kamran: Wow, that is subtle, want me to bite a ball as well?
Mysterious Sounding Dude: No that would be stupid. Just perform badly.
Kamran: Won’t that be fucken obvious. I mean if a Pakistani misses a catch 73 politicians start press conferences.
Mysterious Sounding Dude: That is what we want; anarchy, Mr Akmal. We are going to use your bad keeping to fix the country of Pakistan. Your hard hands can start a people led revolution, and all we ask is that your drop some catches and the then we will do the rest.
Kamran: I don’t know, it just sounds kinda stupid.
Mysterious Sounding Dude: Mr Akmal, you are undoubtedly a cricketer of rare quality, but in the world of politics you are mildly retarded, our country needs this, are you going to be a hero for Pakistan?
Kamran: I’m hanging up now.
Mysterious Sounding Dude: Pakistan Zind….
The next day after dropping a catch down the legside.
Moyo: Kamran, you are keeping wickets like some character from fraggle rock?
Kamran: Well, either I am just a really shit keeper having a shocking day, or I am subconscious instrument of change.
Moyo: Sorry?
Kamran: um, Pakistan Zindabad.
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Nice. What would happen to cricket if there were no Pakistan.
A cricket of rare quality? That’s one of the funniest typos I’ve seen in a while.
Match fixing meets V for Vendetta. With the fraggle rock song in the background. Who wouldn’t want to see this flick?
Dhananjay Mhatre´s last blog ..MIHYAP – The contest
Kamran has a great Talent but he is not able to utilize it properly. He doesn’t get the support too much. I am afraid of his career now. Match Fixing and Pakistani Cricket is a bit similar phrase
I’m so tired of this :/
Wes´s last blog ..Yes Sir, I can doosra!
I have a problem with Kamran ‘throwing games’ by crap keeping. Is he in reality a brilliant keeper who indulges his ‘dark side’ a lot?
My impression is that he has been a shite keeper ever since he started in international cricket. He can certainly bat, but his keeping is trash.
Kamran! Kamran!
Kamran, Kamran, turning white
Behind the stumps, in the night
So crappy are your hand and eye
Enough to make any skipper cry.
In what distant deeps or skies
Did you learn to concede byes?
When the ball went near the rope
Did you cry? Or did you hope?
Is that metal? Or a body part?
How can you be such a giant fart?
Not a little remorse did you feign
When you dropped Hussey yet again.
Screw the stumps! Screw the bails!
You enjoy watching ‘em bite their nails
Even after the agony and pain
You never train, and you never complain.
When the captain laid bare his fears
And watered the pitch with his tears
All you did was point with glee
That he could instead try to pee.
Kamran, Kamran, turning white
Behind the stumps, in the night
So crappy are your hand and eye
Enough to make any skipper cry.
– William Bake (2010).
Satirical poems where better in my days
Brendan just kicked some serious ass with his ‘roll over scoops’ ….Playing that shot with ball coming to you at 155 KMPs … I am speechless
Rootofall3vil´s last blog ..Dhoni’s No. 3 Position – An Average Booster or something more?
@Rootofall3vil Now into super over!! Geeez..
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Why the f’ing hell don’t Skyplayer show these matches? It’s not as if there aren’t enough Kiwis and Aussies in the UK and Sky is run by an ex-australian. I pay a bloody fortune each month purely to watch cricket and they miss something like this? – and I’m not usually a 2020 type guy. Grrrrr.
Twas one of the best T20’s ever. Prince Brendon was magnificent. Young Southee showed some real class. Amazing.
That was touching poetry.
Rishabh´s last blog ..IPL Preview # 1 – Kolkata Knight Riders
Kamran did twitter about betting his mother’s house on Australia early on Day 3. Probably not related to this thread
DC, that was brilliant. (I’m not being sarcastic, it really was!)
reina´s last blog ..Hot Fuzz
DC, you had me at Giant Fart.
why are you guys always more than ready to label someone guilty before even the jury assemble……specially when pakistan is involved…….shane warne did no0thing bad when he was involved in match fixing……..stuart broad did nothing bad when he scratched the ball with his nails…….but pakistan was called a cheat and penalised 5 runs for no obvious proof in england……….
Yes if someone is proven guilty then he should be jailed.
J rod you are too disappointing. Damn disappointing. Probably some naitons buy your books and shirts more often.not friendly to us obviously.
I doubt your saddist magazine as well bcz all you emphasised on was no body was paying no one…..but pay is not the most important thing. For me being unbias is more important than being paid or not paid.
Ghalib, If you took this post as proof i believe he is a match fixer you should probably consult a physician.
Ghalib, even if you do not think Jrod is accusing Akmal, go visit a physician. And take Alex with you.
Dhananjay Mhatre´s last blog ..MIHYAP – The contest
I do not exist. : D
Brb when midget news comes up.
LOL….alex’s post….he seems to lurk in the shadows and pounce at the slightest mention of his name. And not to forget the mention of all or a combination of “midget”, “Stat whore” and “I do not exist” with a “:D” in every fucken thing he writes!
I don’t know if a physician will help. There is no cure for the virulent not-getting-the-point-itis, and combined with terminal humourlessness it’s practically a death sentence.
Ghalib’s a gonner. May as well observe two minutes of silence right now.
reina´s last blog ..You win, Universe.
guys what ever you say…….the blog was really creating an atmospher which would lead to believe akmal is a fixer. Between the lines thing. and it did hurt all the pakistani guys feelings, who read it. they were depressed. bcz what Jrod say has value. (not what Reina thinks)
@Jrod i appreciate your writing and continue to do so. and I my self talk as straight as possible. so i let you know my disappointment. I appolagise if i offended. These were my honest feelings.m not a diplomat. i didnt left anything in my heart.
@Reina : with due respect STAY AWAY. my comments were meant for JRod,s blog and hez the most qualified and capable person to respond. better concentrate on your own health. keep your philosphy and assumptions of life and death with you self.
Dude, you’re commenting in a public forum. Deal with it and stop whining.
I like this site, I have no plans to stay away unless j-rod asks me to.
And stop speaking on behalf of all Pakistani guys. I know lots, and believe you me they wouldn’t have found/ didn’t find this post at all hurtful to their feelings.
reina´s last blog ..You win, Universe.
If you want to pour out your heart in a 1-on-1 with Jrod, there’s a contact cwb link on the left column you could use. If you are just seeking attention, join the troll list. Pun intended.
cb
Kamran baby you are seriously fucked up either you are so stupid or you are a cunning teeth mastereo
Reverse Swing´s last blog ..Sachin Tendulkar! What is next?
you want a revolution, try this one:
Ken Read, who banned Shivendra Singh even though there was no complaint against him, hails from Australia and is it a mere coincidence that India play their next match in the tournament against Australia today. The shocking ban came just a day before the most important India-Australia league match.
http://www.breakingnewsonline.net/sports/1047-hockey-world-cup-2010-skipper-rajpal-defends-shivendra-singh.html
ps. i havent seen the video footage of the hit, but i watched the entire match and it wasnt even mentioned.
Another racist probably. India has its own racists running the country. All is even actually in someways
oh Dear God! that is so shit!
I can understand why your upset, I mean a Pakistani players head does look like a hockey ball doesn’t it. Do you have the effigy store on speed dial. I thought this was a cricket blog.
I am not pakistani , so please look in the mirror.
Dear Alex you do not exist. I was talking to Jogesh. Plus where’s me
?
LL´s last blog ..I Dream of Jesus
@ Reina
I didnt meant you stop posting your opinions. i said stay away from me. I commented on Jrods post. he replied back to me. That was enough. You didnt had to comment on me. i dont know you. we are not friends. your comments about me were unwarranted.
And how many pakistanis do you know?? more than me? sounds stupid. all my friends and employees are feeling the same. Again keep your assumptions. Its not pitty issue and blowing it out of proportion on just mere rumors is Shit.
“Pitty” = not a word. Asking me to “stay away from you” makes even less sense than anything else you’ve said here. “we are not friends” – yeah, no kidding, dude.
Again, you don’t want people commenting on your statements, stop making them in public forums.
FYI: this is all the time and comment space I’m going to waste on you, so bear that in mind when you’re composing what will almost certainly be a hilariously stupid response.
reina´s last blog ..You win, Universe.
LL – rearing your inbred head again are you. Last times chastisement probably turned you on, reminded you of nights with the step-dads.
Only an aussie match ref will feel the desperate need to even out the opposition before a crucial match – and india is a lowly 12th in the world in hockey – but darrell hair’s step-brother isn’t taking any chances.
No LL, its a “shit on Aussie” blog – fuck you are stupid!.
Jogi baby calling me inbred is rich. You’re a product of the caste system. Now that’s the definition of inbreeding!
I thought Darrell was vindicated after Shahid’s snack?
Stop your ranting no one wants to hear your hate.
OK reina can say what she wants. All should be allowed to puke. It is all ok. Just more puke smell. fine with me,
I can trash pakistani , indian or anything that moves as long as i think it deserved in my own little pea brain. hahaha.
India deserved every white racism. India is a country example of racism top to bottom. Just check how many dalit prime ministers and who were actrually prime ministers. India is really pathetic country. Mass racism applied against little people.
But again if i see any indian who plays through hard work like leander paes , i will applaud. When i see dipshit like sachin midget whore , i will pee on all sachin fans.
I hope victrians harrass all indians in australia. It is a good way to show mirror to indians.
Boring.