cricket with balls

Stage two how: I can control the man in charge.

New Zealand cricket is now a fascist regime.

One man is calling the shots, pulling the strings, making the coffee and wearing the glasses.

There is no reason to name this person, Daniel Vettori, we all know who he is.

In some countries that would be tolerated, nay, celebrated in a cricket captain.

Not in New Zealand. They are a democratic nation who believes that no one man should have this much power.

So they need someone to come in and grab a bit of power back.

Someone arrogant, ridiculously self assured, a self made man, one who won’t take shit from any librarians, and is from a country that provides the world with cricket coaches.

Exactly.

Dan can stick his player power up his ass.

A few drinks with Jesse, some blogging tips to IOB, watch a few episodes of cops with Shane Bond, get Flynn a gold tooth, and your already half way there.

Easy as.

Then a few subtle put downs to Dan.

Remind him of how stupid you need to be injured in Adelaide and still field at mid off. How he almost losing to Bangladesh. Mention that little Nathan and the Gimp Harris both have a better test bowling average. And then ask him what it is like to be compared to a pasty English teenager for most of his career.

Then maybe I’d get a choker chain, put it on him, and any time Dan got out of bounds I’d just give him a quick tightening of the chain.

Justin Vaughan would approve of this method.