cricket with balls

Lord’s. Ashes. What is left of Nathan Hauritz finger. The pitch is flat. England is odd. What will happen on day two? Pie fights? This page is set to reload every couple of minutes.

Great session, 6 wickets.

Jimmy has the two wickets, one from a shit short one down the legside, and one from a Rudi mistake.

Australia need one a partnership.

Thanks for reading.

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Freddie starts with a bouncer, snicko shows up Rudi.

Very quick from Freddie, 94.2.

Last ball before lunch, is a dead ball as katich seems to get hit on the gloves or thighs.

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“What was that in the “historically innaccurate Ashes”?  ”This is fucken bullshit”.  And the one-eyed remark from Atherton about it being lbw if he didn’t hit it was a low blow, too.  So much for impartial observations!” Carrot.

Jimmy starts with a lovely one that beats Hussey.

Keith fucken Stackpole is in the crowd, go Keith.

Safe over, one to go now.

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Freddie drops short, the Krab slaps it for the classic one bounce for over backward point.

And next ball Katich tries to tickle one through point, and misses it.

Testing over, but England still don’t look all that threatening.

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“So now the Australians are giving the Englishmen stiff competition in getting out to the most insipid deliveries.” Dm, with a bit of help from Rudi.

Fancy showing the Queen before Richie, at least one of them has earnt their title.

Hussey looking nervous, so situation normal.

He gets off the mark with on hip for two.

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England on top with a bit of luck.

Freddie back over the wicket to katich, but around to Hussey.

This is a good partnership to have together for England. They won’t take the game away from you.

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I am confused.

Did he even get anywhere near that?

Ponting out caught at slip, eventually after some third umpire checking.

Terrible decision from Rudi.

Missed it by a distance, but did middle his toe.

Australia have no luck, a sodomy down the leg side and a catch without the bat.

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Freddie around the wicket.

I am happy, if for no other reason than the commentators will shut up about it.

I’ve always thought Katich is harder to get out from around the wicket.

What do i know though, I’m no beefy.

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Ponting guides one through covers for a couple to get off the mark.

Bit of a lamer over.

Even though a wicket has fallen, England look a bit flat.

Might be the wicket.

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“Well, after the performance of the WORLDS GREATEST LEFT ARMER, now for the new Bradman.  Oh.  He’s gone.” Chris. To a terrific ball as well.

Long close up of Ricky chewin’. Fuck he looks determined.

“So finally the way to get out Hughes is discovered. Keep on bowling on the leg side.” Dm.

Handy over from Freddie but no real scares.

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Anderson going for the inswinger to Ponting.

Hits him on the hip, but still gets a big appeal.

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Hughes starts Australia with a back foot guide through point.

And he’s out.

Sodomized down the legside off the short one.

Just a touch of the gloves.

Shit ball, wicket.

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The queen is there, who’s feeling horny?

Freddie has opened up.

Nice carry for him so far.

He gets one to fly through to beat the Krab.

Matching maidens.

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Jimmy straight back into the action.

Hughes looks pretty calm.

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James Anderson is the third best batsman England has.

Change of innings, see you in ten.

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“Tail enders having a go. is there a more bueautiful sight in cricket.” narkins. no.

This is good news for Australia though, if Onions can back away and get runs, this is a top deck.

Anderson smacks that. Full and wide and he lifts it over point.

Poor bastards, deserved a 50 run partnership.

Mitch came around the wicket, Anderson looked confused and opened the face to gully.

425 all out.

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“Time for the first bad Onions pun of the day?” Neerav. No.

Come on Onions, play a shot, at least Jimmy is.

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Anderson starts with a back foot club through covers for four.

Follows it up with a leg glance for 4.

Mitch thinks he should go back to yesterday’s length and drops short and wide, another 4.

England doing well, Anderson eyeing off a double ton.

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Just one of those overs that piss you off if you are the fielding sides. Play and missing and scoops in the air.

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Johnson comes on as Siddle throws up his breakfast into a ceramic bowl.

Onions hits the ball straight to Johnson, and runs, Mitchell couldn’t pick it up.

Lots of squirting to third man.

Onions is a better batsman than Strauss, discuss.

“I hope Siddle isn’t too ill to bat, he’ll be needed by tea time.” Chris.

Anderson pops in with a backfoot drive with style.

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Siddle is being taken off the field, we didn’t get to see him vomit in HD super slow mo.

How cool would that have been?

“Jrod, can you tell me who is manning the trolley they are using to get that backstop from end to end after each over, or do its feet actually move?” Apples. A tiny monkey.

Onions gets another cut shot away.

A deep point out for Onions now, i suppose that isn’t too bad, it is his only shot.

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Siddle met with the Physio, the exchange dessert recipes, and he comes into bowl.

At any moment here we could see someone throw up on the Pitch.

Siddle is gonna vom up.

I was taking the piss, but he really is.

Get the sawdust.

He is dry reaching, still has time to hit Onions.

Onions gets a cut shot just past Hussey’s hands.

It was little on style, but 4 on runs.

Then he backs away from an inswinger and somehow hits the ball with his eyes closed.

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“What did the English batters do last night? They’ve no idea today. They’ve left their bowlers with it all to do.” realto. Technically these are the English bowlers, and as my mum often said, you’re only letting yourself down.

Anderson tries a flash back cut with one hand.

He does well to hit it.

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Onions came out on the pitch quickly. Did he expect this to happen?

Anderson gets off the mark with a run out single. No run there, no wonder the bastard never makes a duck, he tries to run out the other tailender.

Pitch is still slow. Onions backs away, and gets an edge but it doesn’t make slip.

Onions continues to jump around, haven’t seen him bat much, but he doesn’t give me any great confidence in his ability.

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Broad gets one down the legside and helps it to the rope.

He swipes at another one, it just misses off stump and goes for four.

Next ball he does it again, but onto the stumps.

England = Shithouse.

Not much swing, no real seam, and 3 wickets in 3 overs.

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Siddle finishes it off with a brute that rips past Anderson. Nicer pace on that one.

Wacky google search, “shane watson male porn star”

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Siddle is on, we are about to find out the pace of this pitch.

“Fecking hell wing commander. thats the 4th time hes got out after adding less than 6 to a over night hundred.” Narkins.

Nasser said that Broad has been bowled a few times off this thigh pad, so change the thigh pad.

Broad gets a single, everyone is happy.

Siddle starts with a bouncer, looked pretty slow, Swann was safely underneath it. Katich is fielding at short leg without a helmet, poofy commentators think it is dangerous. Bullshit, I did it two weeks ago.

Swann was shitting himself a little too much and hung his bat out to a chest high one and finds Ponting at slip.

He isn’t going to get a ball in his half from now on.

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The best part of the wicket was the fact Strauss had all but covered every part of his off stump, it was almost a peekaboo dismissal.

Swann clips one through the leg side to start with a boundary.

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Hilfy to open up.

Hauritz off the field.

You are kidding me.

Strauss leaves a gentle inswinger, and it takes off stump out.

Why don’t people want to play Hilfy?

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Welcome to the 2nd morning.

Let us swear as one if the clouds come over.

Will Strauss make a double ton?

Are Staurt Broad’s nuts still sore?

Will Graeme Swann hook Peter Siddle?

Can Mitchell Johnson hit the pitch?