equatorLock up your mother. Buy your lady friend or life partner a blindfold. Lock your children in a room with a trendy games console. Pop your inflatable lover.
Ian Bell is back.
It is Australia’s worst fear, death by Bell.
After his monumental performances in the warm up game (a stunning 0 and a swashbuckling 20) he has been hauled back into the English test squad to wreak havoc with the minds of the bumbling Australians.
Phil Hughes was heard to say, “I was afraid of Harmy playing, but this is much worse”.
Australia has been preparing for a pace attack of Flintoff, Anderson, Broad and Sidebottom, but even Tim Neilson knows they are nothing compared to the Warwickshire Wacker.
“Ian Bell is like reverse swing, except he bats”.
Even Shane Warne has taken an uncharacteristic stance, “You can’t get Belly out, that is his secret. He goes out when he is good and ready, mostly between 20 and 40, but what if he ever decides to stay in. The Horror.”
Bell wont play in the first test, but that doesn’t matter, just the mere presence of the man is enough to get Australian cricketers jumping out of the team bus.
Australia are doomed.
If only Shane Watson was fit, he could save us all…
England’s 13 man squad for the first test:
Andrew Strauss (capt), James Anderson, Ian Bell, Ravi Bopara, Stuart Broad, Paul Collingwood, Alastair Cook, Andrew Flintoff, Graham Onions, Monty Panesar, Kevin Pietersen, Matt Prior, Graeme Swann
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Bell still scored more than your Bumper Boy though
Ceci, and yet I know who I’d rather have in my side. I doubt Hughes has ever gone out to hauritz in club cricket before.
A little known fact is that hauritz is his clubs third line spinner, behind some kid who bowls loopy leggies and a slow left armer from Sri lanka.
Luckily he can bat a bit otherwise he’d be playing seconds.
I may have made that up.