cricket with balls

Hard-hitting New Zealand cricketer Jesse Ryder has been admitted to a London hospital after injuring his groin in a Magic Johnson style sex romp.

Concern over his groin muscle injury continues to escalate as Jesse refuses to stop bedding Women at Julio Iglesias numbers, as he believes that having multiple partners actually improves his footwork. 

Ryder was unavailable to play in New Zealand’s one-run loss to South Africa, as the groin was massively inflamed after he met two cute red heads in his hotel bar.

Shortly after the match team manager Steve Hustle said Ryder, who was able to play in the tournament opener against Scotland despite the injury, had been taken to a nearby hospital, and that only male Nurses were allowed to treat Jesse.

“Jesse is continuing to suffer serious inflammation in the groin area along with general wear and tear from a high work load and has been admitted to hospital overnight for enforced abstinence,” Hustle said.

Rumours that Ross Taylor’s lower back/hamstring injury is related to Jesse being on heat seem unfounded, but the two are rarely separated.

Jesse has always been known as a sexual tyrannosaurus, but in the past it has never affected his cricket.

Hustle said “Jesse still believes he can play, but we have never seen a groin that inflamed, not even in the days of Richard Hadlee or Jeff Crowe, and we want to be sure Jesse is ok before we let him continue with his cricket and his extra curricular activities.”